so monumentally screwed

I refuse to recognize that school starts in a week. REFUSE.

Emily's coming to visit today! WHEEEEEEEEEEE! Although, AHEM, some OTHER STL'ers should have come with her. Man I miss TAFers so much. I love my school friends, of course, but there's just so many people that I wish I could spend more time with during the year. Oh well, I've got today, Monday, and Wednesday dedicated to you kids =] Yay.

I'm starting driver's ed on Tuesday (hopefully). The lessons are supposed to start Monday but I have no way of getting there, plus it's the picnic! So I hope they'll let me start Tuesday and do a makeup class. That way, I can get my permit sometime in August, so I can get my license sometime before December =P. I'm really upset that I didn't make more of an incentive for driver's ed, like earlier in the summer. Then I wouldn't have to go through all of this right now, when school's beginning. I mean... NO IT'S NOT.

But really, I can write a 4 page paper easily, right? Pfft... let's hope I don't have too much confidence about my unused writing skills. And that the AP Euro teacher grades easy for summer homework. So, um, summer ends a week from today. And I'm getting my braces off SOON! (Hopefully next Monday.) Whee.

i cannot speak a word. i cannot sing a phrase. i cannot breathe in air. all i breathe is taf.

2004. Dayum. Words cannot really describe it... which is a good thing. Since I can't talk anymore. Nothing will ever compare to it... besides maybe another year of TAF down the line. Once again, TAF has taken my high-as-none-other expectations and soared above them. Even though ON PAPER it should have sucked. I battered myself so bad. I have billions of bruises. I'm sick to my stomach. My nose is stuffed, my ears are plugged, my eyes hurt, my entire body is sore.

DEAR LORD I MISS IT.

At TAF, I knew I was experiencing something special. But now I know... BEST YEAR EVER. It wasn't just the last night, it was EVERYTHING. It was the first day, jumping around, screaming "WE'RE AT TAF WE'RE AT TAF". It was the bus ride there. It was group games in the Great Hall. Scaring the new campers, then telling them to get used to it. It was watching the guys be gay together. Being Elissa's girlfriend. Knowing there is always someone willing to carry me to wherever I was going. Seeing old friends. Meeting new ones. Becoming better friends with old ones. Sitting in a room where you know everyone in there would give you a hug. Too many memories and jokes and stories and random laughs to recount.

I need to throw out thank yous-- so many people made my week. Young and Cat... amazing A/AA. The entire group-- my fellow cheerleaders, my spirit squad, you cheered me on throughout the week. We opened so much, we shared, we cried we laughed, just wow. Also.. definitely John, for being such a touching speaker. You opened my eyes to so much, opened my mind and made me dig inside for things that I didn't know I had. The power to forgive... to be redeemed... to be happy. I'm not gonna list everyone because I'm bound to leave someone out, but you know who you are. Anyone who chilled with me this week, made me laugh, made me think, gave me a piggyback ride.... everyone. I love you guys so much. I don't know how I live without seeing you during the year... every August I remember how much I want you guys in my life, to live love and learn with me.

I look back, and I can't remember... where did the week go? Where did my friends go? Did I really just hug them goodbye for an entire year? It seems so surreal- blame it on the lack of sleep. I just need to apologize for being so dead the last day. I wish I had been awake, alert, ready to leave my friends with the happy and energetic heart they're used to. And even though I can't really speak anymore... you've all heard my voice within.

TAF PIX UP

mission statement: To become a person whom I would respect. To have values and hold onto them with great integrity. To live with passion, to do what I love, be happy, and in turn, make the world a happier place.
My life's path is not a road. It is an ocean, with endless horizons all around.

AHMIGAH..

Okay I seriously meant for yesterday's post to be the last before taf, but COME ON! NOMAR?!?! ::excited!!:: I know, I know, I used to love gonzo and I still do but on paper this is an AMAZING deal. (PS Sorry Peter). So props to Jim Hendry, good luck to Maddux, and I hope Nomar can handle those ground balls cuz if he fucks up 300 I don't know if I'll be able to forgive him.

BUT NOMAR.

I can't believe I have to miss the next week of baseball. I don't know if I'll survive.

TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAF

Everywhere I look-- every profile, away message, xanga, blog... TAF TAF TAF TAF!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SO EXCITED!!! Sunday, bus babyyyyyy =D And then I get to enter the beauuutiful Manchester dorms... decorated by my bestest buddies on hospitality - (Yea girls you hospitalize us! .. is that right?) I don't think I've ever been this excited for taf. Either because all mah boys n girls are on staff- or cuz I've spent all summer at home so I'm ready to leave-- haha. What sucks is, the end of taf means the end of summer. BUT LET'S NOT THINK ABOUT THAT.

Tomorrow I need to go taf food shopping. And then me and Mueller are gonna make a huge "GOOD LUCK ON 300" sign to put on Maddux's door... we're gonna do it tomorrow night. I'm gonna bring a walkman onto the bus just so I can listen to the game =D (Well not the entire thing...) but yea, obsession. Whatever, 300 is BIG. Anyhoo, then I still got loads of packing to do. SO EXCITTTTTTTTTTTTTTED...

Who cares about the 5 page essay I gotta write for AP euro???

By the way... Mary and Lauren's shindig ROCKED. Football/red rover in a skirt ... Fondue! ... water fight (..in a skirt) ... so much food. Man. Just good old fashioned awesomeness. I love you guys. I'll miss you. CYA IN A WEEK, SUCKERS.

bad idea...

So I worked this morning on the new layout-- like it? Yeah well I don't care, cuz I like it. Anyway, so I looked for all these dance pictures, trying to make it look better (again, I like it, so shut up), and I ended up deciding I should stretch and/or throw on the pointe shoes for a bit. So I did, and now my left ankle feels like it just popped out of its socket. That may also because of the unnecessarily large amount of walking we did today uptown-- but I saw my Mike - MINE - so it's all good. The bands that were playing yesterday were pretty good too-- TNT IS DYNAMITE haha. Oh and yall know the other band wasn't that bad at all...

In other news, my p-baby is pitching tomorrow morning, so I'll be occupied (aka drooling) until about 3pm. Summer school is over! =) So we're going swimming with Constance on Monday. I have all these random plans for a vague "next week"... so one day I'm going to Six Flags (YEA?? or just a TAF gettogether..), one day I'm having a bake fest with Maria and Tami and Mike (not mine), and there is much stalking and street-running to accomplish before Livy leaves for Florida, Al leaves for Italy... and Em's already in Florida =(. In a rather cool way though, we're all gonna be gone during the same time, so we can spend more time together. And TAF is coming up-- SO EXCITED. Even more excited for the Cubs game after TAF-- bring on the Padres, baby. AND I might be going to Boston... but that's a very big MIGHT.

By the way, I must say that the Bosox/Yankee fight yesterday is possibly one of the best in all of baseball. Cmon-- the starting pitcher was bleeding from his ear, the "best player" in the major leagues screamed "fuck you", the guy who's already appealing a 5 game suspension literally DIVED into it, four players ejected, damn. Good shit. So now that  the Sox AND the Cubbies are getting their grips, it's about time we overrun this goddamn deficit and defeat the two evillest teams in Major League Baseball. Damn right, it's better than yo's.

So there's less than a month of summer left... les do it, do it doooo ittt...