life is bullshit

Another week in Taiwan... and I have to pretend I'm happy with it. What the fuck. Let me go home god dammit... my sister and mom badgered me for like 3 straight days. Holy fuck, wouldn't it have been less stress for ALL OF US if they'd just let me go home?? I'm sure one less fucking week of worrying could equal or even be less than three straight days, 72 hours of NONSTOP BICKERING... I just wanted to pummel them both into the ground. How is it that I am the only one in this family that can hold my temper?? And then I'm the one that's forced to bear everything with grace. I'm the only one that doesn't randomly burst into fits of loathing and upsetness... it's because I'm ALWAYS the one that has to do this, because I'm ALWAYS the one that has to take the blunt of everything and anything. It makes me so IRRITABLE... but no, never to my family, because I have to hold it in or I make it worse. What the fuck... it just gets to the point where I DONT GIVE A DAMN, I don't care what anyone thinks of what I say even if it's not something I'd say when I'm levelheaded. At these times, it's best not to talk to me because I'll blurt out some random thing that pisses me off and I'll keep talking about it because there's just a need to be contrary, a need to DO SOMETHING to get out all my fucking anger... and it's not even your fault. So whatever, forgive me or don't, because I'm still in one of those moods and I'm not exactly interested in the politeness of what I say. No, it's only in my family that something like this could happen to such a assertive little brat like me. They've pounded me into a fuckin shapeless blob, and I can't even speak up because everything will just suck that much more. I'm so goddamn tired of doing this, but what's the point of fighting something that will never change? What's the point of adding more arguments into the dirt? There is no point. So I sit here and suffer. 10 more days.

i'm leavin' on a jet plaaaaaaaaane...

Heh heh I love that song... Anyway, no I'm not. We're going on a train, I think. Some kind of spa resort type thing? dAym... it better be good, heh. After that I only have THREE more days in Taiwan!! ::gasp:: and then I'll be home =) YAY!!! I'm so happy! I can't wait. Anne, I gotta give you my flight info soon... you better remind me. Sooo... I guess I'll talk to you guys in 2 days? We're getting back sometime on Friday, but I don't know when. When I get back I still have to do that blog about our "dim sum" experience... blah, it takes too much effort, lol. But I assure you, it will be very disturbing and funny =). More disturbing than Anne and Alex buying Hipps a thong? I think so.