one big rant that i finally decided to divide up for your reading pleasure
My life has been a ridiculous seesaw the past couple days. I guess I'm temperamental a lot (especially because my mood so immediately affects how I act), but seriously it's gotten so much worse. And now I'm kind of wishing that I was still on that seesaw because then there'd be ups AND downs... but there have been no ups for me lately and I'm really desperate for one right now. I'm getting really sad just sitting here with no real purpose... again, I'm lacking inspiration. I don't know what I'm doing with my life, but more importantly I don't know what I'm doing with my YEAR. Life can wait, since I have at least 4 more years of formal education to go, but I feel like my identity has completely been torn away from me so far this fall. I was so sure of myself, so reassured that life was good last year. Suddenly I'm having an almost identity crisis and I feel a constant need to behave a certain way to get along with people.
I know I shouldn't change myself (which I'm really not doing...) but there are just some things that you can and can't say around certain people. I guess this is my taste of not having close friends around me all the time. A lot of people go through this, I know, but last year I just got so comfortable. Now I'm feeling... lonely, almost. But I'm not really alone. I just don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm saying. The only structured thing in my life is SCHOOL, strangely enough. My classmates are now getting the whole Bettina's-so-smart impression that they didn't have earlier. I don't know if that's a good thing or not... I work hard at school but not at home. I'm totally neglecting actual HOME-work, and my room is an absolute mess. Which shouldn't be a problem, but it really irks me because I feel like I'm running out of time to do things when I'm really not.
Sure spending 3 hours a day on baseball this week probably wasn't that bright, but it's been eventful and though not so positive, very revealing. Baseball was structure to my life too, last week... it all fell apart this week, which not only pissed me off, totally threw me off balance. When I rooted for the Bulls I knew them so well that I knew what was coming-- I guess I need to wait around with the Cubs for a while... I realize I haven't watched for the past five years... I don't even know where I'm going with this anymore. But just to let you know, my life is being a bitch right now, so [seriously], don't do things to annoy me on purpose. Cuz that'll suck.
10.15.2003
10.12.2003
yeah, i know it's obsession time
I've been doing well for the past 5 months or so, but obsession time has come back for me, and this time I'm not the only victim.
Some of you don't realize this. Some of you don't realize how horrible it's been to be a Chicago sports fan the past couple years. Especially a Chicago BULLS fan.
You see, right now, Chicago's in one of the hugest major sport droughts in the universe. The two teams who haven't won for the longest are the Sox and the Cubs. Sad, huh? The last Chicago team that won a championship was the Bulls... and everyone knows what happened to them. I don't want to talk about it. I might cry.
So don't even get me started on the whole "fair-weather fan" thing. Because that's complete bullshit. At least for me it is. When I like a team, it's because I like the players and their attitudes and the way they play. However, usually when this happens they are a WINNING team-- and usually I start watching the games when the media broadcasts them. (Yeah, I'm an unfortunate soul with network television.) So I don't care if you call me a fair-weather fan because I'm not. If you're one of those "die-hard" fans that continues loving a team even when it completely disperses, changes managers coaches and players and is NOTHING like it used to be.... well then, you're not loving the same team anymore. That's great and all, and I'm not saying that you can't love two teams under the same name-- but you also can't diss on people who stop loving the team when everyone ON the original team is gone.
Oh yeah, I loved the Bulls. I loved them even in those two years that Jordan left us. What I didn't love was the "leftover" Bulls when it all came to an end-- poor Kukoc all alone with a totally different team. I watched for a while. Then I watched Pippen and Kerr play on their new teams. Then I figured it was over. Ah well.
Anyway, the point is, my new obsession is baseball. No, not regular season baseball. Postseason baseball. Um, no offense to the game and all, but baseball games that have nothing riding on them aren't that great. That's why I love the playoffs-- everything counts, so all that waiting and all that blank time is still interesting. Every play, every pitch, every SECOND matters. It's great fun. Oh, and Kyle Farnsworth.
I mean Javy Lopez.
I mean Mark Prior.
Damn.
I've been doing well for the past 5 months or so, but obsession time has come back for me, and this time I'm not the only victim.
Some of you don't realize this. Some of you don't realize how horrible it's been to be a Chicago sports fan the past couple years. Especially a Chicago BULLS fan.
You see, right now, Chicago's in one of the hugest major sport droughts in the universe. The two teams who haven't won for the longest are the Sox and the Cubs. Sad, huh? The last Chicago team that won a championship was the Bulls... and everyone knows what happened to them. I don't want to talk about it. I might cry.
So don't even get me started on the whole "fair-weather fan" thing. Because that's complete bullshit. At least for me it is. When I like a team, it's because I like the players and their attitudes and the way they play. However, usually when this happens they are a WINNING team-- and usually I start watching the games when the media broadcasts them. (Yeah, I'm an unfortunate soul with network television.) So I don't care if you call me a fair-weather fan because I'm not. If you're one of those "die-hard" fans that continues loving a team even when it completely disperses, changes managers coaches and players and is NOTHING like it used to be.... well then, you're not loving the same team anymore. That's great and all, and I'm not saying that you can't love two teams under the same name-- but you also can't diss on people who stop loving the team when everyone ON the original team is gone.
Oh yeah, I loved the Bulls. I loved them even in those two years that Jordan left us. What I didn't love was the "leftover" Bulls when it all came to an end-- poor Kukoc all alone with a totally different team. I watched for a while. Then I watched Pippen and Kerr play on their new teams. Then I figured it was over. Ah well.
Anyway, the point is, my new obsession is baseball. No, not regular season baseball. Postseason baseball. Um, no offense to the game and all, but baseball games that have nothing riding on them aren't that great. That's why I love the playoffs-- everything counts, so all that waiting and all that blank time is still interesting. Every play, every pitch, every SECOND matters. It's great fun. Oh, and Kyle Farnsworth.
I mean Javy Lopez.
I mean Mark Prior.
Damn.
wow.
Yesterday was a GRRRRRREAT day. =) Ahhhh not that I'm a stalker or anything.... it was a stroke of fate that a certain someone was working at the movie theater at the certain time that we wanted to go. And that's not sarcasm! Really!! I didn't even know he worked there! Heh... but it's a good thing he does, huh? I MEAN...
Okay, no really. The reason yesterday was a great day was because CUBS WON CUBS WON CUBS WON!!!!!! Um, yeah. And we're gonna win this thing. Even if Zambrano doesn't pull it off (which he SHOULD be able to because he IS a good pitcher-- more on this later), it'll just guarantee that we'll win this thing in the Friendly Confines =D, cuz Prior's up next and Wood follows him. Howeeevveerrrr wouldn't it be great if Zambrano won it, the Cub fans throw another surprise party in someone-else's-park-turned-Wrigleyville-South, and our star pitchers will be starting on MORE than full rest for the World Series? This is why Zambrano can and SHOULD do it.
Sure he wasn't especially sharp in Game 1, but it WAS a very close game. Also, he might have jitters in the postseason, and today will be his THIRD start and his second one against the Marlins. That could make him feel much more comfortable. Plus the victory that Clement gave us yesterday-- Zambrano will have some wiggle-room. Heh. I just said wiggle.
Oh, and anyone wanna know the funniest line in the Odyssey? Book VII, line 185, "You have an empty noddle." Heh... heh... heh... Okay, I'm done.
Yesterday was a GRRRRRREAT day. =) Ahhhh not that I'm a stalker or anything.... it was a stroke of fate that a certain someone was working at the movie theater at the certain time that we wanted to go. And that's not sarcasm! Really!! I didn't even know he worked there! Heh... but it's a good thing he does, huh? I MEAN...
Okay, no really. The reason yesterday was a great day was because CUBS WON CUBS WON CUBS WON!!!!!! Um, yeah. And we're gonna win this thing. Even if Zambrano doesn't pull it off (which he SHOULD be able to because he IS a good pitcher-- more on this later), it'll just guarantee that we'll win this thing in the Friendly Confines =D, cuz Prior's up next and Wood follows him. Howeeevveerrrr wouldn't it be great if Zambrano won it, the Cub fans throw another surprise party in someone-else's-park-turned-Wrigleyville-South, and our star pitchers will be starting on MORE than full rest for the World Series? This is why Zambrano can and SHOULD do it.
Sure he wasn't especially sharp in Game 1, but it WAS a very close game. Also, he might have jitters in the postseason, and today will be his THIRD start and his second one against the Marlins. That could make him feel much more comfortable. Plus the victory that Clement gave us yesterday-- Zambrano will have some wiggle-room. Heh. I just said wiggle.
Oh, and anyone wanna know the funniest line in the Odyssey? Book VII, line 185, "You have an empty noddle." Heh... heh... heh... Okay, I'm done.
