yeah.
I'm tired of being late.
I'm tired of missing out.
I'm tired of being overworked to a point of collapse.
I'm tired of exhaustion.
I'm tired of being sore.
I'm tired of not having enough time to do anything.
I'm tired of being stupid.
I'm tired of being fake.
I'm tired of pretending that I like people, or people like me.
I'm tired of BOYS.
I'm tired of the world.
I'm actually pretty damn tired of girls too. Lazy, slutty, dumbass girls who have nothing to do with their lives.
I'm tired of worthless people.
I'm tired of myself being worthless.
I'm tired of not accomplishing anything.
I'm tired of not stretching, practicing, or working out.
I'm tired of being a slacker.
I'm tired of having a messy-ass room.
I'm tired of being a person I don't want to be.
I'm tired of not liking myself.
I'm tired of being a person I would disapprove of.
I'm tired of making excuses for it.
and I'm tired of not doing anything about it.
I'm tired of being hungry.
I'm tired of being sad.
I'm tired of being moody.
I'm kind of tired of being a girl.
I'm getting tired of doing this thing called 'life'.
I'm definitely tired of school.
And Chinese school.
Whatever. I'm just tired PERIOD.
I'm tired of sitting here making myself sound like I'm deep.
I'm tired of wasting my time.
I'm tired of thinking so much that the world is so flawed I can't even get started on it.
I'm tired of making it sound like I'm the only one with these problems.
and the people who do, but don't talk about it.
I miss ignorance. And crazy-hyperness. And jumping around and dancing to blasted music. And the summer.
I'm tired of over-analyzing... and this feeling-- this tiredness.
I'm tired of this blog.
10.23.2003
best of me
(I found a replacement for "The Last Song" as the song that I can put on repeat and sing at the top of my lungs. Not that the neighbors (nor my family) appreciates it.)
Here we lay again
on two separate beds,
riding phone lines
To hear that familiar voice
and pictures brought from memory.
We reflect on miscommunications
and misunderstandings
and missing each other two
much too without
to let go.
We turn our music down
and we whisper
say what you're thinking right now
Tell me what you thought about
when you were gone and
so alone
The worst is over
You can have the best of me
We got older; but we're still young.
We never grew out of this feeling that we won't
give up.
Jumping to conclusions
made me fall away from you.
I'm so glad the truth
has brought back together, me and you.
We're standing on the ground
and we whisper
Say what you're thinking out-loud.
Tell me what you thought about
when you were gone and
so alone
The worst is over
You can't have the best of me
We got older; but we're still young.
We never grew out of this
feeling that we won't
feeling that we can't...
we're not ready to g i v e u p.
(I found a replacement for "The Last Song" as the song that I can put on repeat and sing at the top of my lungs. Not that the neighbors (nor my family) appreciates it.)
Here we lay again
on two separate beds,
riding phone lines
To hear that familiar voice
and pictures brought from memory.
We reflect on miscommunications
and misunderstandings
and missing each other two
much too without
to let go.
We turn our music down
and we whisper
say what you're thinking right now
Tell me what you thought about
when you were gone and
so alone
The worst is over
You can have the best of me
We got older; but we're still young.
We never grew out of this feeling that we won't
give up.
Jumping to conclusions
made me fall away from you.
I'm so glad the truth
has brought back together, me and you.
We're standing on the ground
and we whisper
Say what you're thinking out-loud.
Tell me what you thought about
when you were gone and
so alone
The worst is over
You can't have the best of me
We got older; but we're still young.
We never grew out of this
feeling that we won't
feeling that we can't...
we're not ready to g i v e u p.
10.22.2003
i'd stop procrastinating but...
I think fate is encouraging me to. Every time I procrastinate I always do so well. These wreaths, for example. As of 12 hours ago, I had only sold 5. Now, I'm up to 16 and I'm pretty sure Emily is buying at least 2 from me tomorrow. If anyone else buys more then I am above my quota. See what I mean? I procrastinated to a point of despair and suddenly I manage to bail my ass out of it. And only 4 were sold through my parents. So EAT THAT, world!!
(Just wait till the next time I try to improv a speech or BS a 2 week assignment.)
Anyway, now that THAT problem is gone, I'm back to the ones I'm used to. You know, splitting headache, inability to walk/move/breathe/cough, dehydration, exhaustion, etc. Should I be happy? Nope. But hey, tomorrow's the last day of swimming so that's something to look forward to. Phew.
I think fate is encouraging me to. Every time I procrastinate I always do so well. These wreaths, for example. As of 12 hours ago, I had only sold 5. Now, I'm up to 16 and I'm pretty sure Emily is buying at least 2 from me tomorrow. If anyone else buys more then I am above my quota. See what I mean? I procrastinated to a point of despair and suddenly I manage to bail my ass out of it. And only 4 were sold through my parents. So EAT THAT, world!!
(Just wait till the next time I try to improv a speech or BS a 2 week assignment.)
Anyway, now that THAT problem is gone, I'm back to the ones I'm used to. You know, splitting headache, inability to walk/move/breathe/cough, dehydration, exhaustion, etc. Should I be happy? Nope. But hey, tomorrow's the last day of swimming so that's something to look forward to. Phew.
10.20.2003
i've come to the conclusion that my life is boring
Sure, I've always said it. But now it's holding out to be completely true.
My days are literally consumed in school, homework, and Hawkettes. That's basically it, and I'm not even joking. Not only that, but school isn't even slightly amusing anymore. Not even the social part, mostly because I'm so overloaded with homework that I spend every spare moment doing it.
Um, I officially suck at this.
So I have to sell fourteen wreaths for Hawkettes... so I go door to door (yeah it's due Thursday so buy them god dammit) and I come back and bum around and waste horrendous amounts of time doing basically nothing and thennnnn I'm not even done with my homework by 10. And this is my OFF day. Rawrr!! I SUCK AT THIS.
I'm beginning to believe that America is out-pacing itself.
Or maybe it's just my excuse for not keeping up.
Sure, I've always said it. But now it's holding out to be completely true.
My days are literally consumed in school, homework, and Hawkettes. That's basically it, and I'm not even joking. Not only that, but school isn't even slightly amusing anymore. Not even the social part, mostly because I'm so overloaded with homework that I spend every spare moment doing it.
Um, I officially suck at this.
So I have to sell fourteen wreaths for Hawkettes... so I go door to door (yeah it's due Thursday so buy them god dammit) and I come back and bum around and waste horrendous amounts of time doing basically nothing and thennnnn I'm not even done with my homework by 10. And this is my OFF day. Rawrr!! I SUCK AT THIS.
I'm beginning to believe that America is out-pacing itself.
Or maybe it's just my excuse for not keeping up.
