so unreal

Talking to people from school who are back from vacation... everything I imagine looks like a black and white flim. When I go back to school on Monday, it won't feel right. Nothing is going to be the same. I mean, first of all, the entirety of the "higher" portion of the social ladder is skeptical of me since I quit Hawkettes-- to them, it feels like I snubbed an entrance into their fold. Or something. I don't know. Maybe I snubbed it last year when I didn't do the instant transformo-slut/alcy/druggie that most girls did. Hawkettes is SO NOT for me. Not just socially, but dancing to compete like that, mechanically, it's just not me. So I'm glad I quit- I dance to PERFORM, to be creative, not to fit others' definition of achievement. But now I feel like a bum and I haven't had a class for more than a year and it just doesn't feel right.

Anyway, back to school. I'm scared of my workload this year. AP Euro is already scaring me... I just realized there's 100 pages of material I need to cover, and 50 I need to register, understand, analyze, and transform into 4 pages. So little time. I don't remember where the summer went. I don't remember where all my money went either, but that's another story. I can just feel the constant stress of school coming back to me.

I can feel the drama hanging over me-- it was like the game last night, with Russell Branyan the tying run at the plate, and Remmy serving up that homer. You hope it doesn't happen-- it doesn't seem like it will happen-- but deep down, you know it will. Rawrr. And even worse, homecoming in 1.5 months. I absolutely loathe the hype that comes with it.

Guess I should just enjoy more calm while it's still here, huh?

so monumentally screwed

I refuse to recognize that school starts in a week. REFUSE.

Emily's coming to visit today! WHEEEEEEEEEEE! Although, AHEM, some OTHER STL'ers should have come with her. Man I miss TAFers so much. I love my school friends, of course, but there's just so many people that I wish I could spend more time with during the year. Oh well, I've got today, Monday, and Wednesday dedicated to you kids =] Yay.

I'm starting driver's ed on Tuesday (hopefully). The lessons are supposed to start Monday but I have no way of getting there, plus it's the picnic! So I hope they'll let me start Tuesday and do a makeup class. That way, I can get my permit sometime in August, so I can get my license sometime before December =P. I'm really upset that I didn't make more of an incentive for driver's ed, like earlier in the summer. Then I wouldn't have to go through all of this right now, when school's beginning. I mean... NO IT'S NOT.

But really, I can write a 4 page paper easily, right? Pfft... let's hope I don't have too much confidence about my unused writing skills. And that the AP Euro teacher grades easy for summer homework. So, um, summer ends a week from today. And I'm getting my braces off SOON! (Hopefully next Monday.) Whee.