can't say
I really don't think there's a way to describe the way I feel right now. I'm just so mixed up. Priorities, future, family, friends... too much to handle. So much homework lately... I haven't been doing 25% of it, and that's how I'm surviving. But sooner or later it's gonna bite me in the ass (like the 38/51 I got on my Euro test... luckily he curves).
So this week is pretty much dead to me. Tryouts don't start until tomorrow-- I also have Drivers' Ed on Tuesday and Thursday (my first driving session with the school). Saturday is homecoming, which I'm ridiculously and unnecessarily stressed for. But I am, and that sucks. I love my sister for saying she will be home Friday to save me. But Friday seems so far away. So many things are so far away. First semester usually flies by for me... so untrue this year. I don't understand how I'm surviving or not surviving... why I still exist, why I still do all the things I normally do. I'm living my life through a haze, and I don't know where it's coming from.
[dear lord i am editing this part of the original entry as it has apparently brought me bad luck...]
9.26.2004
ouch.
I hurt! THAT MAKES ME HAPPY. Choreographed all Friday night, completely collapsed on my bed, then went to my audition at 9 am. It went pretty well, I think. The judges were really nice (we knew a bunch of them from our old school). My shoe came off in the middle of it, but that wasn't the biggest problem at all. We find out tomorrow so.... ::cross fingers::
Then tomorrow till Wednesday are tryouts for orchesis (dance performing group at school). I don't know exactly what I'm thinking, going into this... I just want to test my luck, you know? Get in shape a lil. (I'm sore as hell though... that's probably not a good thing). But I'm gonna be hella busy, with Drivers' Ed right afterwards, plus, our AP Euro teacher has kicked into full gear. I guess the last chapter was just an intro, cuz now we have homework/reading assignments like mad for the next -who knows how long?
I feel like my days are being consumed by these things. And usually, striving towards goals (getting my liscense, making orchesis, etc) can keep me happy. But it's not working like that this year. I'm missing out on something.
I hurt! THAT MAKES ME HAPPY. Choreographed all Friday night, completely collapsed on my bed, then went to my audition at 9 am. It went pretty well, I think. The judges were really nice (we knew a bunch of them from our old school). My shoe came off in the middle of it, but that wasn't the biggest problem at all. We find out tomorrow so.... ::cross fingers::
Then tomorrow till Wednesday are tryouts for orchesis (dance performing group at school). I don't know exactly what I'm thinking, going into this... I just want to test my luck, you know? Get in shape a lil. (I'm sore as hell though... that's probably not a good thing). But I'm gonna be hella busy, with Drivers' Ed right afterwards, plus, our AP Euro teacher has kicked into full gear. I guess the last chapter was just an intro, cuz now we have homework/reading assignments like mad for the next -who knows how long?
I feel like my days are being consumed by these things. And usually, striving towards goals (getting my liscense, making orchesis, etc) can keep me happy. But it's not working like that this year. I'm missing out on something.
