9.27.2004

can't say

I really don't think there's a way to describe the way I feel right now. I'm just so mixed up. Priorities, future, family, friends... too much to handle. So much homework lately... I haven't been doing 25% of it, and that's how I'm surviving. But sooner or later it's gonna bite me in the ass (like the 38/51 I got on my Euro test... luckily he curves).

So this week is pretty much dead to me. Tryouts don't start until tomorrow-- I also have Drivers' Ed on Tuesday and Thursday (my first driving session with the school). Saturday is homecoming, which I'm ridiculously and unnecessarily stressed for. But I am, and that sucks. I love my sister for saying she will be home Friday to save me. But Friday seems so far away. So many things are so far away. First semester usually flies by for me... so untrue this year. I don't understand how I'm surviving or not surviving... why I still exist, why I still do all the things I normally do. I'm living my life through a haze, and I don't know where it's coming from.

[dear lord i am editing this part of the original entry as it has apparently brought me bad luck...]
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