11.28.2003

more boringer stuff first

More... boringer...er... ANYWAY. State championships (high school football) tomorrow... goin down to Urbana to watch my HAWKS beat the shit out of Lockport. Damn straight. Actually, I might not even go. It depends if I'm still sick tomorrow, and if I feel okay. =T Ah, the dilemmas in life. If so, leavin around 2pm and not gettin back till late... past midnight, probably. Then Sunday=no Chinese school =D so hit me up if you wanna do something. Mmm... what else?

kinda blank

Really no outlook on life right now. It's kinda nice to have myself wiped free of all pretense. At the same time... I feel kind of empty. And vulnerable. Where are the barriers that I always put up to keep myself in and others out? Is it really gone, or has it just become so automatic and invisible to me now? Everything is one big contradiction. My world is empty, but so cluttered. I have so much to do, yet so little is important. Why do I bother with it at all? Too much automatism. I'm really making no sense, but then again, I usually don't. My filter turned off last week and I really don't think it's going to turn back on. Besides, I'm so sick of not saying the things I want to say. I'm careful not to offend people, but if something random pops into my head... why not?? Life is full of too many things I want to avoid. Shouldn't it be funner? And always... I feel like I'm missing something.
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