..~ cranberry jello ~.. v8.1 .. live the spotlight ..

"time for some re-evaluation of one's self..."

You know, for a while I thought that I knew myself. Really, I felt so sure of myself in my body and how I act towards other people and things like that. For some reason though... it all seems to be unravelling. Not that I've really changed in any way, I've just been hearing things from different people. I know I shouldn't let other people sway me, but it does do something to perspective. For instance, I think of how irresponsible I am to society. I'm smart, okay? I admit it. The problem is, I don't do anything with it. I'm such a fucking bum. I feel insanely guilty about this, yet I can't help being selfish and spending my spare time with friends and having fun and all that good stuff. I'd like to say "well everyone does it" but does that mean everyone is right? No... people are usually wrong. Could I be different and try to be right? Yes... but do I have the will to? No.

See, I do this all the time! I re-evaluate and I analyze and I think so goddamn much that my head is about to implode. I simply cannot let something go and follow it's own course. And when I do, I feel like I'm being lazy. There are so many contradictions in the world, it's amazing. There are so many contradictions within myself, it's beyond amazing. It all comes down to one great universal Truth: I am one very weird girl.

Googlisms:

bettina is outside
bettina is waiting
bettina is not a joke
bettina is a determined lady
bettina is running for her life
bettina is large and in charge
bettina is about 14 weeks old
bettina is truly a scary woman
bettina is grounded and self respecting
bettina is an artist of exceptional talent
bettina is more concentrated on the artistic side
bettina is one of the most interesting examples of the effort
bettina is an inspiration to women who want to know that beauty doesnt end because of birthdays or weight changes

bettina is a melting pot of contradictions