..~ cranberry jello ~.. v8.1 .. live the spotlight ..

ohhhhhhh man... 10 days...

So close, yet so far. Two more days till the weekend. My life has become one big countdown... everything to look forward to, nothing to hold on to right NOW. I'm losing sight of everything. I see my grades.. they're dropping... low A's, whoopdydoo, but what am I gonna do when I have no more cushion to get a B once in a while... I'll be at 90.1 and one false move, BAM. I see that happening. Just because it figures that a lazy ass such as me who never had the consideration to work hard to honor her own classmates would deserve such a crappy outcome. My laziness is a poor reflection upon people who actually work... I feel like such a bitch when I look at them. The only thing I do well at school is class itself. Anything beyond that, don't look at me.

Procrastinating like a muhfuh lately.. accomplishing absolutely nothing before 9pm, going to bed at 11 and wondering why I feel so tired. I'm so disappointing. Seriously, what do I have to say for myself? Blah, so much annoying self-pity that everyone hates... but really it's not as much pity as it is anger. I need to do this to get my lazy ass back in shape. I'll hate myself into working harder. Oh yeah, Bettina, that's the spirit.

I see myself slipping and the worst part is that I don't know if I can regain my grip. What am I DOING to myself?? This is depressing as hell... thinking is such a bitch. I haven't talked to my friends enough this week. Nothing to cheer me up ... just random jokes to laugh at that don't really lift me. I feel so nonsocial right now... I don't belong here.