ahhhhhh warm weather....

No, I'm not hallucenating. Within... let's say 20 hrs from now, I will be basking in the Mexican sun .... I CAN'T WAIT. =) I've still got to pack a little bit, and my flight leaves at 7 tomorrow morning... but it's all good.

Although I am slightly sad because I'll be missing TAF New Year's... again. =( I didn't think so many people were going! But, they are. And then everyone's gonna be in Chicago afterwards, but of course, I won't be here anyway. Boo!!! That's alright though... I saw a bunch of people today. [begin: summary that you might want to skip>> Eric and Jeremy flew in around 10 in the morning =P Roger picked em up then got me then we went to Jason's... Chilled there for a while, watched Jeremy break all his darts then ate a GOURMET lunch made with great talent [um, and microwaves] by Jason =D Ummm... drove to Frank's... played mah-jong (hell yea!! azn style.. haha) Did NOT go ice skating (stop glaring at me), ended up at Brunswick zone but didn't really do anything that actually required being at BZ =T Then went to Roger's and had dinner, found Linda n Jason (her bro), ended up playin cards (as always) before I had to go home =( I wanted to go to Vince's but I had to be home earlier cuz of the stupid flight >_< rawrr. So, basically did nothing but got to drive around a bunch and chill. Sniff, sorry I can't stay longer and hang out with the rest of TAF that is coming to Chicago while I'm gone... ]end: lengthy/boring summary<<

ERGH! What is everyone doing for New Year's Eve?!?!?! ... I'll be back home at around 9:30 that night.. =D

I'll miss you guys!!! =)

MEEEEEEEEERRY CHRISTMAAASS!!!

(link courtesy of Annie.. heh.)

I'MMMMM... DREAAAMIN OF A WHIIIIIIIIIITE CHRISTMAAAAAAAAAS....

SNOWING'd!!!! =D There's gotta be at least 4-5 inches by Xmas.. YAY =) We went to Maura's today to exchange Secret Santa gifts... Elyse gave me the cuuuuutest lil reindeer from BBW and I got Maura a really pretty necklace from Express. Which she picked out. Yesterday. "Hey Maura, I might give this one to my secret santa person. What do you think??" Heh. Anyway, we ended up going outside and playin in the snoow =D and then we went CAROLING... We made 2 dollars and a box of cookies, LOL. And we also pissed off some Polish lady. She was like mouthing at us from the window, as if we couldn't see her. Bah-psh.

Ummm tomorrow's Christmas Eve =D!! And then Christmas!!! Break seems to be going by so quickly.. I'm leaving on Saturday (for Cancun) and coming back New Year's Eve. Friday I'll see my ROOMIE Franklin, and Jason, and ERIC FROM STL!! (hahaha I'll finally be in town when you come visit!! =D) And then Jeremy... comes for a day and tells me 3 hours before he leaves. (It was for a hockey tourny though..) Anyway, I'm kinda sad because everyone is actually going to TAF new year's this year and I can't. =( Boo. Sorry guys!! Eh, oh well. WINTER BREAK =D

-edit- 12.24 Let's scratch that. Ends up I'm chillin w/ Eric n Jeremy Friday.. wha?? Still need Chi-town get together.. right Liss??? After New Year's? =P I'm really happy about how this break is turning out though.. I'm seein TAF friends, goin on vacation, gettin time to chill out... just one thing missin. Hm.

downtowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwn =D

Yes, I finally accomplished my goal of going downtown to look at the lights and Michigan Avenue... It was SO MUCH FUN!!! Except we didn't go ice skating =( but that's okay. We can go next year! In fact... next year, I can DRIVE! (Does that fact scare you guys?) Anyway, it was great. We went to Coach and looked at the 300$ coat for a TODDLER, and the really pretty blue/white purses they just came out with 3 days ago... We also went to Tiffany & Co. where we pretended to be rich... Maura's pointing at random things and saying "Yeah I hope Dwight gets me that for our anniversary..." and the old lady behind us shoots us a death glare. Ah, that was fun stuff. Went to H&M for about an hour =P great store!!

Um, went a bunch of other places. Ended up at the Marshall Field's food court (foodlife) which is REALLY cool because it's a bunch of kitchens and they give you this credit card thing to charge all your food on. You pay the balance on the credit card when you leave the actual food court. Mmmmm yummy. (I'm not really writing everything because it'd be long and some people *AHEM ALEX* wouldn't bother to read the entire post.) We ended up taking most of our pictures on the way back to the car, since all the trees were lit up by then. I've organized all my old pix from the fall and my birthday and all that crap... I guess I can put them up sometime soon, if yall want. Here's one for the road.


Hallowen: Me, Mrs. Depp, and Em =)

PS: TAF gettogether!! Let's say.. Woodfield... January 2 or 3? Yeah??? IM me or comment =D

i am LOVING this

AHhhhhhhhhhhh basking in the glory of winter break... =D and it's actually sunny outside! I always feel so much better when it's sunny. Anyway. Yesterday, saw LOTR3 w/ Anne... freaking 3.5 hour movie. And I had to go to the bathroom for 3 hrs of it... >_< haha. Oh well. It was worth it!! For me at least. Some people don't LOTR and really I don't mind except when they diss it completely... it's like, give it up, nobody wants to hear your excuses. =P

Back on my happy note... heh. Then I went to my performance.. what was cool was that we were performing at the varsity basketball team's halftime. Normally we do sophomore but since the varsity cheerleaders didn't have a routine ready, they bumped us up =D. It was my kick routine and I suck at it but I'm pretty happy with how I did. I basically got my right splits and I only made one mistake, even though I was sick and felt like I was going to die. My mouth got really dry and .. yea... being sick isn't cool.

Oh yeah, and my sister's home. =) Yay. All I need now is to GET OVER THIS @#$*&ing COLD!!!!!!!

THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO CARES ABOUT ME =D

Winter break... oh man.. you have NO idea how much I need this. Really. I'm sure everyone else loves to be off as well, but you have NO idea what this is for me. I'm SO sick it's ridiculous. I can't last more than 10 minutes without a cough drop. I can't do anything. If I had had practice today, I would have been on the ground dying. If school was actually hard today, I would have failed any/all quizzes and assignments. If people weren't all cheerful and nice, I would have been lashing out at everyone.

SO THANK YOU. Especially all those people that said "awww I hope you feel better" because even though it seems like a small gesture... it's better than no sympathy whatsoever.

I have a game tomorrow. It should be cool, we're performing during the varsity b-ball team's halftime. Come watch if you can =D the game starts at 6:30 I think?

Happy winter break, everyone.

This is how my mind should be: lalalalalla... food... lalallaa.. zzz... lalallala... javy...lalallaaa...oohh shiny!

This is how my mind is right now: LK@&TY$FUT^(*&#@%JAVY&%@^#$HYGDS*T@!!!!!!

I'm sick again. I feel like crap. I strained my right hamstring for the 2nd time this month. My hip clicks when I do fan kicks.

Save me...

ugh.

Just an overall crappy day today. I have to do this essay (which I only have the introduction done as of right now...) plus nothing GOOD happened today and I got fuckin cut from my kick dance.

What the hell? I didn't even have an alternate.

But wait-- I did, but my coach couldn't get the message across to my captains that another girl was supposed to be switching with me. So, I had no idea. Until the last time we did the dance full-out. And of course, I had to pick the second to last time to do CRAPPILY because I was tired and my new shoes didn't fit me.

So it's my own fault. And I'm mad at myself. And therefore, I'm mad at the rest of the world.

So, deal with my bitchiness.

CHEWY'S RIGHT!!

The world is so depressing. I read that TIME article.. bout the kindergarteners throwing tantrums n swearin at teachers and throwing stuff at their classmates. What the hell? How many thousands of years of human civilization have gone by, just for us to end up with FIVE YEAR OLDS with the most violence tendencies? We've been watching the horrible habits of [what USED to be only] teenagers creep earlier and earlier into kids' lives... what is going on with our world? Does nobody notice how freaking DEPRESSING this is?? 6 years ago, the most drama you had in third grade was what kind of MILK you were getting for lunch. Now we see sluts developing in 5th grade and kindergarteners swearing?

I want to know who got the idea into kids' minds that being BAD is cool... you figure in high school, that when those jerks graduate and go into the real world they'll figure out how lame they are. But when it starts in grade school.. what the fuck are you supposed to do? It just grows into this whole generation of MORONS who don't realize how insignificant and ignorant they are, and won't find out for at least another 4 years. And according to my sister, college doesn't really cure all of them either. You really gotta wonder when people are going to figure out that there's more of a world out there. THINK ABOUT IT.

On kind of [but not really] related note: I'm sick and tired of how work-oriented we are. This is truly the paradox of our time. Think about how many people rush around to go to their 9-5 jobs every single day so they can support their family. Then think about how much this could be changed if those fucking power-hungry, greedy bastards on top could learn to live a normal life and give the rest of the world a break. What the hell. We are being forced onto a treadmill of work and toil while the people keep turning up the speed. It's like how meat packing factories used to treat their workers-- they would force all the laborers to speed up and work at unhumanly speeds to increase production, even though it permanently damaged most of them. Once a "batch" of workers were unfit to work... they just took on the next group who was "fresh" and willing to work for even LOWER wages. This is what is happening to us. We are being driven to NO END and for what purposes? The greater gain of companies who really only serve as "golden bathtubs" for the world.

ARGH. So much rantiness!! But that's just it... if we could all just take some time to SLOW DOWN. Enjoy the fact that our life spans have lengthened. Realize that all schooling does NOT need to be crammed into the first 23 years of our lives. Realize that there IS more to life than money, prosperity, renown. Accept that some people do what they want because it makes them happy. Slow down, chill, and BREATHE. That's what our world needs.

A frickin respirator.

okay, I'm done

..forcing people to fill that thing in, lol. Even though nobody did... even though yall made me promise that I'd fill it in fer YOU in return... haha I will, I swear. Just remind me. Anyway, thanks to everyone... yer so nice =P Haha I totally needed that because my week just made me feel so crappy... my life feels so empty because I have no time to do ANYTHING. Thanks to MAH GIRLS fer chillin with me this weekend.. sorry I couldn't really go OUT go out and sorry I was constantly stretching (randomly, may I add) heh. I'll put pictures up later ('CAUSE I GOT MY CAMERA BACK!!).. some are... weird, but I'm sure we can explain. Heh. Oh, and a movie of Anne sucking. helium.

I think about how-- no matter what doesn't go right, goes wrong, or doesn't go at all... there's always those few people that can make you feel better. That is a true friend. Someone who would never deliberately contribute to the drama in your life-- just work to take it all OUT. Someone who you can always turn to no matter what. Someone who cares even when you don't know they do, or someone who is there for you when you don't even know they're there. These are the people that really matter-- don't lose them.

Sigh.

Lettin' go of all the crap in my life...

feelin good =)

Hmm my "alternate" status has been removed from my kick routine, so I guess that's a good sign? We still all have tryouts, but still. Yay? I'm really sore and all that good stuff but I'm feelin pretty happy. Yay. And, the countdown is on. 7 days left. w00t.

i stealed this from my jieh jieh

I dunno where the 15 went but she killed it so I guess it's not worth answering? And neither was 13. Oh well. Anyway, these things are no fun if you don't answer. SO ANSWER. Please =)... [PS: the comment box is the link underneath #18... it should say "5 are as crazy as me" or somethin like that] [WARNING: Erm my comment box is eating comments... so... make a copy of your post before you hit "comment" or it might be lost FOREVER!]

o1. When/How did we meet?
o2. What is your relation to me?
o3. What was your 1st impression of me?
o4. How well do you think you know me?
o5. Have you ever seen me cry?
o6. Have you ever seen me sing?
o7. Have you ever seen me crazy or hyper?
o8. Have you ever seen me pissed off?
o9. Have we ever gotten in a fight?
1o. If you could spend a day with me, what would we do?
11. If you could give me any gift, what would it be?
12. Would you hug me?
14. What major thing do we have in common?
16. What is my best feature?
17. Have you ever made me laugh/have i ever made you laugh?
18. Describe me in your words:

definitely past 11...

So you might be thinking, What the hell Bettina? It's past 11 and you're a bitch when you don't get enough sleep. Why are you awake?

Yeah... I thought that too.

So let's start with the fact that I did absolutely no homework over the weekend because of the field trip today. Which was good, by the way. And Benvolio was hot. And Greek food is yummy. Anyway, so I have all this crap to do when I get home. Except, I have practice till 5:30. Except, I'm supposed to help out w/ "wreath delivery" today since they came in. So, my ridiculously awesome father volunteers to go help out instead of me so I can go home, eat, shower, and do homework. Good job Bettina, cuz you TOTALLY didn't do homework while he was helpin out with wreaths.

Anyway, we proceed to deliver them to the houses that bought them from me. Except, I don't remember where I sold them. So we're drivin around for like 15 minutes and we wind up at EMILY'S house, askin for directions. Good job, really. Blah blah boring really stupid anyway. I get home and work on the shitload of Geometry homework I have to do when suddenly the phone rings-- Oh, HI JEREMy. THANKS FOR TALKIN TO ME AFTER LIKE BILLIONS OF YEARS. Plus he broked the internet. Anyway, it was actually a halfway-normal conversation and we didn't really make fun of eachother THAT much. Congratulations to us! heh. And then of course I proceed to not finish any of my Geometry homework (or at least miniscule amounts).

So we get off the phone and I finish and then... I remember... Biology. Crap crap crap crap. Okay, nite guys, I guess I've bored you enough ~_^.

(BTW Shout out to Anne because she IMed me billions of times tonight and I never got to talk to her. Aww. Sorry.)
(Oh, and Peter because he attempted to find me on MSN but I wasn't really there. Whoops. Sorry.)

weekends are saviors

TWO MORE WEEKS. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

But it's not that bad. Monday= field trip =D tear it up guys!! heh, gonna watch Romeo and Juliet then we get about... 3 hours to bum around and eat lunch. w00t. So that's down to 9 days... then Wednesday is early dismissal... and the last Friday can't suck that bad. Ah. I'm excited. LET'S HURRY THIS UP.

life blows.

the only update you'll ever enjoy... cuz it's short

school = blah. argh. lotsa homework. 3 out of the 4 math classes I attend this week will be tests. yuck. annoying people. annoying person* who won't go away and seems to follow me. I DON'T WANNA SEE YOUR FACE. GO AWAY. (that's not directed toward anyone who reads this blog. or at least I hope not.)

hawkettes = not that bad. kick is excruciating. but we're doing pom for the game on friday =D

state championships = ... sniff.

bears = have a chance. what the?? am i lying?? no, i'm not.

people = beyond perception

life in general = should fast forward abouuut 2.5 weeks...

sleep = not enough.

wait.. that was kinda stupid

If I count them then it's not really random, huh? Oh well. ::stops counting::. But I'm still doin' random acts of kindness... which I do all the time anyway... so really there's no distinguishing between this week and all the other weeks of the year. ::pause::. Okay, nevermind. Still. It'll be cool. Really!

and so it begins...

Really, this has nothing to do with "kindness" week at South, cuz those signs really didn't do shit for me. But I've just been hearing so much negativity from the world lately (including myself) and I really want to try to turn it around. I know how much the "little things" count and I figure I might as well give back to the world that has constantly buffeted me, beat me up, kicked me to the ground and stomped on my bloody remains-- BUT ALSO has blessed me with so many things that I take for granted-- my friends, my family, a good life, a fair amount of talent and a chance to make something of myself.

So here it goes, World. I'm gonna count these random acts of kindness --just this week-- so I can see how I'm doing.

1) I commented on Sarah's blog today.. just to say hi. She's a WAY old friend and she's moved away and I don't talk to her as much as I should... but I miss her so I wanted to let her know she ain't fergotten ~_^

more boringer stuff first

More... boringer...er... ANYWAY. State championships (high school football) tomorrow... goin down to Urbana to watch my HAWKS beat the shit out of Lockport. Damn straight. Actually, I might not even go. It depends if I'm still sick tomorrow, and if I feel okay. =T Ah, the dilemmas in life. If so, leavin around 2pm and not gettin back till late... past midnight, probably. Then Sunday=no Chinese school =D so hit me up if you wanna do something. Mmm... what else?

kinda blank

Really no outlook on life right now. It's kinda nice to have myself wiped free of all pretense. At the same time... I feel kind of empty. And vulnerable. Where are the barriers that I always put up to keep myself in and others out? Is it really gone, or has it just become so automatic and invisible to me now? Everything is one big contradiction. My world is empty, but so cluttered. I have so much to do, yet so little is important. Why do I bother with it at all? Too much automatism. I'm really making no sense, but then again, I usually don't. My filter turned off last week and I really don't think it's going to turn back on. Besides, I'm so sick of not saying the things I want to say. I'm careful not to offend people, but if something random pops into my head... why not?? Life is full of too many things I want to avoid. Shouldn't it be funner? And always... I feel like I'm missing something.

revelations from tonight

Not all sophomores are losers.

AA is incredibly fine. And there is nothing wrong with anything on his entire body. (That's right, Anne.)

Guys look worse with hair gel that looks wet.

Public, open spaces are not the best places to speak loudly.

The SC 430 is the hottest car I've seen in my life.

... nice cars are usually driven by old people.

Boys are abusive.

Boys who are abusive are not always flirting.

There really IS nothing to do in my town.

Peppermint mocha lattes are another form of coffee that I can stand (besides frappucinos.)

People who look like they are mocking you are really just jealous.

I am in love with JJ Pryor and Jim DiMatteo. One does not really exist and the other does not know that I exist, but that's okay.

in no particular order...

?1 person who can't be in any categories he wants and won't concede to be put in the "movies i've watched" section:
1. John. The Florida one.

?12 things that annoy me...
1. people that demand their own category in my surveys
2. wHeN yOo TaIpE LyK dIs, SpEcIaLLy oN a wEbSyTe >=(
3. hypocrisy
4. snow in march, april, or may. up until november.
5. lack of sleep
6. people trying to talk to you when you are obviously in the middle of something
7. the Teacher Conspiracy (when they band together and assign everything for the same day)
8. traffic!!! >=( on the street or in my freakin school.. AHH!!
9. MACs!!! grrrr
10. lack of common sense
11. this one's from lucyy: "guys who act like their a muther fuckin P-I-M-P"
12. people that call me "beh'-tih-nuh"... JP! (AM I???) (let's make this more specific: people who-- in addition-- also really should stop spiking their hair, who are always in the way, and oh yeah.. just LOOK like jackasses ~_^)

?11 things that you love...
1. peppermint coconut lime vanilla etc
2. candles
3. food in general
4. shopping til the fat lady sings
5. hangin out with friends... especially LOITERING
6. snail mail! (or flowers in the mail.. =D)
7. STAGE LIGHTS... performing in front of crowds... blowin everyone away ~_^
8. long phone calls... till 3 in the mornin (enlightenment! =P)
9. havin a foot soak ~_^
10. random acts of kindness/understanding/going out of their way when they dont have to
11. FRIENDS that can make the worst day ever into something you can get through, even if you only see them for a couple seconds

?10 things you're looking forward to...
1. when i know the answer to the last question of this "survey" thing (#1)
2. TAF 04!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! swing choir AWW YEAH
3. thanksgiving break =)
4. winter break-- goin downtown and shoppin with my friends
5. when javy gets back home =D
6. CANCUN
7. the day i find out what i'm going to do with my life
8. the day I can let go of my regrets, knowing that it's all going to be alright
9. seeing TAFers-- gettogethers bABY =P!
10. the next time I can be with all my friends and just chill

?9 things you wear daily...
1. deodorant. (aren't you glad?)
2. underwear.. =P
3. contacts (i think i'd be legally blind without them)
4. footwear... =T
5. makeup.. usually.. under my eyes.. =T
6. something to put my hair up with
7. a watch
8. ... clothes
9. A SMILE!! (literally. I'm easily amused so I'm always laughing.)

?8 things you hate:
1. mind games
2. restrictions
3. inactivity
4. lack of common courtesy
5. being constrained
6. lack of inspiration
7. knowing something's true but wishing it weren't
8. WAITING

?7 movies you've seen more than once...
1. FINDING NEMO
2. monsters inc
3. lord of the rings =D
4. save the last dance
5. i-spy =P
6. goldmember =D
7. monty python and the holy grail!!

?6 objects you touch every day...
1. computer =P
2. phone
3. pen
4. refridgerator... hahaa
5. my pillow
6. my ... chair.... =T

?5 things you do every morning...
1. wake up (sometimes. ~_^)
2. wake UP wake up... (wash my face, etc)
3. stumble out of my room
4. drink water
5. turn on my brain... usually.

?4 foods you couldn't live without...
1. BUBBOH TEA!!!!!!!!! =D
2. frappucinos... yeah... starbucks junkie <~~
3. noodles.. that my mommy makes =D
4. italian food.. mMmMmMmmmm

?3 of your favorite songs at the moment...
1. Breathe- Michelle Branch
2. Hey Ya- Outkast
3. Hold On- Good Charlotte

?2 people who have influenced your life the most...
1. my sister-- she has always been there either pullin my hair or pushin me through tough math problems =P but either way she has been so great to my life that I wouldn't be even CLOSE to me if she hadn't been there
2. Anne and Elyse-- I couldn't pick which. 9 years and runnin, baby!! You guys are the best. I've known you so long that you've basically become a PART of me.

?1 person you could spend the rest of your life with...
1. ?????????????? (jo momma?)

[footnote: I was going to put "Javy" there but I figure I'd rather be realistic... I mean, Javy is older than me and unfortunately he'd probably die before me. Therefore I couldn't spend the rest of my life with him.]

WE'RE GOIN TO STAAAAAATE ::clapclap,clapclapclap:: WE'RE GOIN TO STAAAATE!!!

YEAH HAWKS!!! We're gonna ROCK the IHSA state championships.. just watch. The game was UNBELIEVABLE... got a lil nervous in the first quarter when they tied us at 14-- then screamed our asses off for Tyler Knight's fake field-goal attempt at 4th down and goal-- he takes it and runs the 6 yards to score. And then the load of interceptions... and the 70 yard touchdown run... I can't even keep track of all the amazing plays.

So we win... I think it was 54 to 21 but I don't remember. I just remember 18 seconds left on the clock, Hawks in possession, just waitin it out... and half the crowd tumbling down the bleachers, jumping the fence and rushing the field. Jumping up and down with the team while cameras everywhere flashed. Oh man. So great.

and

The responses to the last post were WEAK. Psh. [By the way, you can disregard question 10 'cuz I'm goin to CANCUN =D] Anyway, I'm too lazy to fix the layout. The banner's nifty though, huh? I'll try to mess w/ colors later.. not today. So tired. Watched v-show last night (also amazing) then slept over at Mary's... 6 hours of sleep, guess it coulda been worse. Pretty eventful weekend so far... including someone talking to me who I never expected to. Weird. People can be so confusing. ::more pondering...::

CAN'T THINK OF ANOTHER LAYOUT FOR MY BLOG!! =(

Actually, I can. But it's not working out in my color scheme. RAWRRR.. this feels like such a fuckin long week and it's only Tuesday =(.

I don't really have anything worth saying today. So, I'm just gonna ask some random questions and see how many you want to answer.

1: If the Maine South Hawks (varsity football team) played the Chicago Bears in a game of NFL football, who would win?

2: Why was SPAM invented? (what purpose does it really serve?)

3: Who is your favorite smurf?

4: (this one's really self-serving) Should I cut my hair short again, let it grow long, or keep it around this heightish for the rest of winter?

5: Is it "Matt Michaels" or "Mike Matthews"?

6: Do you really know what you want to do with your life already?

7: Is winter ever cool? If so, up until when? (Or the entire season??) (And I mean a REAL winter... not a weakling winter like in San Diego or something.)

8: Could you live without music?

9: What's better: a four day weekend or two 3 day weekends?

10: Should I go to Jamaica this winter break? (Only people who know why I possibly wouldn't go should answer... 'cause otherwise DUH I wanna go =P)

::edit::

11: Do you like the new layout? (=P I'm gonna have to fix it tomorrow or something, cuz for some reason it looks weird to me)

PS: I think I'm gonna change my blog format. I wonder to what...

i think i've figured it out

Instead of sitting around complaining about how there's nothing to do and how I don't get enough sleep... maybe I should just go get some sleep. That'd be something to do, huh?

Nah.

why do people do this:

person: can you wear under armor???
mMm liMe jeLLo: huh
person: can you wear under armor

What the heck. We're freakin online. If I said "huh", why would you retype what you said?? If I really wanted to know what you said, couldn't I just look about half a centimeter upwards and find out? Would there be any OTHER reason for me to say "huH" besides wanting you to elaborate? Or maybe I just feel like bitching today.

Nah.

the purpose of boring updates: to clear my mind. yes, i do write in here for myself, not to entertain the public. though sometimes that is unavoidable. (easily-amused bastards.)

So! Another practice today... felt like Friday though, since we got early release and I was home for a full whopping hour before returning to school. >_< Erm. I dunno, practices are bogus. Before it was because I was mad at myself for dragging my lazy ass around and not doing anything productive. But now I've gotten my act together and half the squad hasn't. I know I slacked for a week, and I'm not excused for it, but it's not just the people who're new who need help with skills or anything... there are people who are just straight-out slacking off. And as much as I don't enjoy doing some painful exercises, I do them because I know they're good for me and I want to improve. Some people are standing there saying... "Why do we have to do this? Our coach isn't here." And that totally irks me.. can't you take some responsibility for yourself?

Anyway I don't really want to type anymore. When I started this entry my keyboard was fine. And NOW, after breaking off part of the space bar (not the top, the bottom part..) it won't work right and it takes so much goddamn concentration to type at all. Rawrr. Okay, bye.

just gonna reiterate this

Coming into this day, I was feeling pretty good about myself. And then I went and did something really stupid... like spilling Pepsi all over my desk and keyboard. I HATE CLEANING KEYBOARDS. And then I broke off a lil piece under the space bar (IM me for an explanation if you really want it) and suddenly my space bar isn't working. And. Yeah. I was really pissed and in a ridiculously nasty mood.

So, I just want to say, that friends are the best. After bitchin at just about everyone who attempted to IM me, I went and started on homework. Then I hear the IM ring again-- it's Mary. Being her cute lil upbeat self... and it cheered me up a little bit. I go back to looking at some notecards that I lent Alex, and written on the top of one-- "Javy Lopez rox my world". See.. just the little things... help so much. You guys are great. Thanks.

happy birthday to... us?

happylandloxx: we're 15!

Knowing someone with the same birthday as you is SO COOL! Yay, happy birthday to my birthday-buddy, Jeff! [And my mommy who claims her bday is the same as mine. Psh. See my sister's blog.]

Anyywaaaayy I had a niftay birthday weekend... First, school on Wednesday was psycho. I got to school with like 20 lbs of crap to carry and lo and behold-- NO ONE WAS THERE. Thanks a lot guys ;) Actually, they missed the bus. But anyway. When I finally made it up to my first period class I saw a buncha balloons hovering over the hallway. Ahhhh it was so cool =) Thanks so much guys!! (I should get a picture of them up) Let's see, there was hello kitty, blues clues, (both from Emily) then (among others) "Happy Retirement", "It's A Boy!". Someone asked me what my new baby's name was... "Javy Jr. of course!" even though some people claimed it was Chris Jr. but that's totally untrue!! Y'know. ;)

Er.. went shopping some, hung out, GOT FINDING NEMO from Emily =D and a REALLY nifty giftcard from Maura... then Alex paid for a sweater I wanted (good way of finding a good present, huh?), then went down to Urbana to visit my sister. Bummed around, saw her nifty new apartment, reminded her to take down the poster of liquor on her cabinet before my parents saw it. You know. The usual. ~_^ Went to a party at Canopy <~? with my sister's ID. Cuz I look so much like her. "Ummm can you just, kinda, squint your eyes a little?" =D It was pretty cool... but I wish the music was better! =P Guess I just didn't know enough of it. Dancing to music I don't know is weirrrd... but NOT AS WEIRD as those guys that kept following us!! AHHHHHH "Run away!!!" Hmmm... and Kevin made fun of me. Damn.

Erm, yes, then came home and had no time for homework. Still doing it actually. Ah, well. Pictures later. Goodnight, folks ~_^

long survey that coulda been longer if i hadn't deleted half of it

+ 01. name : bettina
+ 02. nicknames : teeny, B, b-train, chang-train, teeny beteeny, beteenerweener, bianca, beyonce...
+ 06. star sign : scorpio
+ 13. writing hand : right

____BODY iLLS + SKiLLS
+ 15. can you roll your tongue : kind of!!! im working on it fer spanish class =P
+ 16. can you raise one eyebrown at a time : yeah haha just my right
+ 18. can you blow spit bubbles : yeah =D
+ 23. do you make your bed daily : heh, that's a good one.

____CLOTHES
+ 36. speaking of shoes, have you thrown one at someone : yeah.. bastards. LOL jp
+ 37. how much money is usually in your wallet : erm it goes from a lot to a little cuz i dont make money people just give me it... 8.25 baby! HAHA JPJPJP
+ 38. what jewelry do you wear 24/7 : my teardrop necklace... but now i can't wear it cuz of practice n all that crap =(
+ 39. whats sexiest on a guy : backwards baseball hats... really! ;) oh and catcher's gear... yeah javy!
+ 41. would you rather be on time and look ok or late and look great : both don't ever really happen to me

____FOOD____
+ 42. do you twirl your spagetti or cut it : chopsticks baby!
+ 43. how many cereals are in your cabinet : like 4... but 3 are about 4 months old >_<
+ 48. how long do your showers last : depends if i wash my hair. for some reason it like doubles the time even though it really doesn't take that long. provocative.
+ 50. do you paint your nails : when im feelin festive. ;)

____MANNERS
+ 51. do you swear : hell yeah i do. (sadly enough, i didnt mean that to be a joke. thats just how i talk)
+ 54. do you pee in the shower : i pee BEFORE i shower... so i dont see the need to pee inside =T

____iN + AROUND
+ 55. the cd player : nothing... its stupid cuz for the longest time i kept bringing it to school but there was no cd in it so it was kinda pointless.
+ 57. what color is your bedroom : seagreen
+ 59. name one thing you're obsessed with : javy lopez. i mean, what?!?
+ 60. window seat or aisle : aisle... more opener
+ 63. in hot weather do you use a blanket : yeah... im weird. i cant fall asleep if my feet arent wrapped up/covered
+ 68. do you talk in your sleep : yeah, according to my sister i hold conversations with her -- normal bettina conversations, full of that sarcasm that yall love.
+ 69. sleep with a stuffed animal : claro que si!
+ 71. do you fall asleep with the tv or radio on : my computer audio player thing..

____WHEN WAS THE LAST TiME YOU
+ 75. cried : uh i cried when the cubs lost game 6 of the NLDS, and then time stopped so i dont know if i cried after that...
+ 78. punched someone : erm a reaaally long time.. actually i dunno if i've ever really thrown a punch at someone... unless anne counts ;)

____THE FUTURE
+ 80. who are you gonna be married to and where : i'll still be married to javy and we'll probably have moved to Atlanta so i can see him during the season
+ 83. future school : college, i guess?

4. Have you had braces? ::gag::
8. Could you live without a computer? nop... dont intend to try it either
11. If you could live in any past time period, which would it be? 50s... with jj pryor... AHHHHHH =D
13. Do you wear shoes in the house or take them off? quoth my sister "asian crib... say word"
16. What is your favorite place to visit? city/country: bali, hawaii, italy, australia... place: bookstores/coffee shops, cafes (french ones! =P)
17. What is the last movie you saw? deuces wild... ohhh stephen dorff =D
24. Do you remember being born? oh definitely i wrote out a full blow-by-blow account in my diary right after i got home from the hospital
25. Why do you take surveys? cuz i aint got nothin better to do
28. What is the most beautiful language? italian
30. Do you like sunrises or sunsets the most? sunrises ... less cliche'd i think, plus much more rare and satisfactory to watch
37. Are you tolerant of other people's beliefs? usually, unless they're REALLY ridiculous like "mary kate and ashley are my idols" ::gag::
39. Do you believe in magic? "Those who don't believe in magic, will never find it." ~ Roald Dahl
42. Do you like abstract art? kind of... but i hate art critics that try to decipher it. its freaking abstract. if your not the creator, then shut up.
44. Do you listen to music daily? could i live if i didnt?
45. Do you like to watch cartoons? haha hell yeah jackie chan adventures man, sunday morning cartoons rock
46. At what age did you find out that Santa Claus wasn't real? i dont think i ever believed he was. i dont know when/why/how i figured it out but i did.
52. Would you rather have a poodle or a rottweiler? rottweiler... poodles are annoying
53. Do you lick stamps? pssshhhh dont YOU have a personal stamp-licker to lick YOUR stamps?!
54. Do you use an electric can opener? HAHAHAHA "wots this?" "its a can opener" "oh.. is that so?"
55. Have you ridden in a hot air balloon? no but i wish i had!!! i wanna do that sometime in my life
64. Do you like fast food joints, or expensive restaurants? restaurants... i read Fast Food Nation last year for english and i've never recovered
67. Are you basically a happy person? i think i might be bipolar, but it's just a guess =T
70. Have you ever met anyone off the internet? hmmm no but i have called someone that i met on the internet
74. What color of eyes do you prefer? doesnt matter but for myself i wish i had green eyes =D
76. What medications do you take? calcium supplements baby!! LOL
79. Do you like older, younger or same age girls/guys? older i guess but it doesnt really gurantee that he'll be nice, huh?
82. Do you prefer taller, shorter or same height girls/guys? not ridiculously short nor ridiculously tall... i guess preferably a lil taller but it doesnt matter too much
88. Biggest turnoff? ignorance, rudeness... a whole lot actually, does that make me skeptical? ;)

these be the pix

As much as I've been complaining, fall '03 really hasn't been that bad. In fact, it started out downright hot. (Not in a weather sense.)

Er yeah... use your imagination on these.

There was lots mo' shoppin':


Em in her perty flaminco dress... SORRY but I don't have homecoming pictures because SOMEONE took my camera the night of the dance.


Yeah I wanna know why anyone would name their old-lady dressing company "Sag Harbor".



Ahh, the Love Sac. Man those things are comfy.


Visited Emerson-- Ahh, the good old days. "SAY MY NAME MR. KLYTTA!!!"


Thinking of the new days too: blank, staring grins, so familiar -- You know who!


Don't you love Mary trying to look tough? And Maura in her skirt?


Aw we so cute ^_^



Went on a picnic and watched the geese! =)


On the way home, saw a reaaaallly nifty car. "DAD SLOW DOWN I NEEDA TAKE A PICTURE!!!!"


Went to a master hiphop class with some Hawkettes.. perty nifty. [That's the instructor.]


Yepp, that IS Casper from Dance Fever on ABC Family. (He was an instructor too!!)

THE CUBS SAGA


C'mon Cubbies!!!!! [This is my brooding nervous stance... hahaa]


This is what happens when the Cubs L-.. L-...L........ "didn't win".


Snifffffff... That's okay, it was against the Braves. We beat them. (Sorry, Javy)


No matter what, we still love them Cubbies. (Cept Alex who is a Mets fan. Boo.)


Wait a second...


Erm.


WE LOVE YA CUBBIES!!!!

HALLOWEEN!!

No practice tomorrow! FINALLY THIS WEEK IS OVERRRRRrr.. okay... ::breathe::

I need to clean my room and buy food today... and THEN

I promise I will post a buncha fall '03 pictures sometime sooooon (really!)

Alrighty I really gotta roll out now...

edit

--... as soon as I find the cord that uploads pix onto my computer...
--
I FOUND IT! I found the... USB cable =D I'm done editting pix but now I need to upload and actually write the post... heh =)

yeah.

I'm tired of being late.
I'm tired of missing out.
I'm tired of being overworked to a point of collapse.
I'm tired of exhaustion.
I'm tired of being sore.
I'm tired of not having enough time to do anything.

I'm tired of being stupid.
I'm tired of being fake.
I'm tired of pretending that I like people, or people like me.
I'm tired of BOYS.
I'm tired of the world.
I'm actually pretty damn tired of girls too. Lazy, slutty, dumbass girls who have nothing to do with their lives.

I'm tired of worthless people.
I'm tired of myself being worthless.
I'm tired of not accomplishing anything.
I'm tired of not stretching, practicing, or working out.
I'm tired of being a slacker.
I'm tired of having a messy-ass room.
I'm tired of being a person I don't want to be.
I'm tired of not liking myself.
I'm tired of being a person I would disapprove of.
I'm tired of making excuses for it.
and I'm tired of not doing anything about it.

I'm tired of being hungry.
I'm tired of being sad.
I'm tired of being moody.
I'm kind of tired of being a girl.
I'm getting tired of doing this thing called 'life'.
I'm definitely tired of school.
And Chinese school.
Whatever. I'm just tired PERIOD.

I'm tired of sitting here making myself sound like I'm deep.
I'm tired of wasting my time.
I'm tired of thinking so much that the world is so flawed I can't even get started on it.
I'm tired of making it sound like I'm the only one with these problems.
and the people who do, but don't talk about it.

I miss ignorance. And crazy-hyperness. And jumping around and dancing to blasted music. And the summer.

I'm tired of over-analyzing... and this feeling-- this tiredness.

I'm tired of this blog.

best of me

(I found a replacement for "The Last Song" as the song that I can put on repeat and sing at the top of my lungs. Not that the neighbors (nor my family) appreciates it.)

Here we lay again
on two separate beds,
riding phone lines
To hear that familiar voice
and pictures brought from memory.
We reflect on miscommunications
and misunderstandings
and missing each other two
much too without
to let go.

We turn our music down
and we whisper
say what you're thinking right now

Tell me what you thought about
when you were gone and
so alone
The worst is over
You can have the best of me
We got older; but we're still young.
We never grew out of this feeling that we won't
give up.

Jumping to conclusions
made me fall away from you.
I'm so glad the truth
has brought back together, me and you.
We're standing on the ground
and we whisper
Say what you're thinking out-loud.

Tell me what you thought about
when you were gone and
so alone
The worst is over
You can't have the best of me
We got older; but we're still young.
We never grew out of this
feeling that we won't
feeling that we can't...
we're not ready to g i v e u p.

i'd stop procrastinating but...

I think fate is encouraging me to. Every time I procrastinate I always do so well. These wreaths, for example. As of 12 hours ago, I had only sold 5. Now, I'm up to 16 and I'm pretty sure Emily is buying at least 2 from me tomorrow. If anyone else buys more then I am above my quota. See what I mean? I procrastinated to a point of despair and suddenly I manage to bail my ass out of it. And only 4 were sold through my parents. So EAT THAT, world!!

(Just wait till the next time I try to improv a speech or BS a 2 week assignment.)

Anyway, now that THAT problem is gone, I'm back to the ones I'm used to. You know, splitting headache, inability to walk/move/breathe/cough, dehydration, exhaustion, etc. Should I be happy? Nope. But hey, tomorrow's the last day of swimming so that's something to look forward to. Phew.

i've come to the conclusion that my life is boring

Sure, I've always said it. But now it's holding out to be completely true.

My days are literally consumed in school, homework, and Hawkettes. That's basically it, and I'm not even joking. Not only that, but school isn't even slightly amusing anymore. Not even the social part, mostly because I'm so overloaded with homework that I spend every spare moment doing it.

Um, I officially suck at this.

So I have to sell fourteen wreaths for Hawkettes... so I go door to door (yeah it's due Thursday so buy them god dammit) and I come back and bum around and waste horrendous amounts of time doing basically nothing and thennnnn I'm not even done with my homework by 10. And this is my OFF day. Rawrr!! I SUCK AT THIS.

I'm beginning to believe that America is out-pacing itself.

Or maybe it's just my excuse for not keeping up.

one big rant that i finally decided to divide up for your reading pleasure

My life has been a ridiculous seesaw the past couple days. I guess I'm temperamental a lot (especially because my mood so immediately affects how I act), but seriously it's gotten so much worse. And now I'm kind of wishing that I was still on that seesaw because then there'd be ups AND downs... but there have been no ups for me lately and I'm really desperate for one right now. I'm getting really sad just sitting here with no real purpose... again, I'm lacking inspiration. I don't know what I'm doing with my life, but more importantly I don't know what I'm doing with my YEAR. Life can wait, since I have at least 4 more years of formal education to go, but I feel like my identity has completely been torn away from me so far this fall. I was so sure of myself, so reassured that life was good last year. Suddenly I'm having an almost identity crisis and I feel a constant need to behave a certain way to get along with people.

I know I shouldn't change myself (which I'm really not doing...) but there are just some things that you can and can't say around certain people. I guess this is my taste of not having close friends around me all the time. A lot of people go through this, I know, but last year I just got so comfortable. Now I'm feeling... lonely, almost. But I'm not really alone. I just don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm saying. The only structured thing in my life is SCHOOL, strangely enough. My classmates are now getting the whole Bettina's-so-smart impression that they didn't have earlier. I don't know if that's a good thing or not... I work hard at school but not at home. I'm totally neglecting actual HOME-work, and my room is an absolute mess. Which shouldn't be a problem, but it really irks me because I feel like I'm running out of time to do things when I'm really not.

Sure spending 3 hours a day on baseball this week probably wasn't that bright, but it's been eventful and though not so positive, very revealing. Baseball was structure to my life too, last week... it all fell apart this week, which not only pissed me off, totally threw me off balance. When I rooted for the Bulls I knew them so well that I knew what was coming-- I guess I need to wait around with the Cubs for a while... I realize I haven't watched for the past five years... I don't even know where I'm going with this anymore. But just to let you know, my life is being a bitch right now, so [seriously], don't do things to annoy me on purpose. Cuz that'll suck.

And Cub fans everywhere chant, once again, a familiar chorus to a not-so-familiar end of a season: "Next year, next year..."

it's game time

Why not us?

You've gotta believe. We want it more, and this is our year.

I love you Cubbies. Let's do it.

I cried. Really.

yeah, i know it's obsession time

I've been doing well for the past 5 months or so, but obsession time has come back for me, and this time I'm not the only victim.

Some of you don't realize this. Some of you don't realize how horrible it's been to be a Chicago sports fan the past couple years. Especially a Chicago BULLS fan.

You see, right now, Chicago's in one of the hugest major sport droughts in the universe. The two teams who haven't won for the longest are the Sox and the Cubs. Sad, huh? The last Chicago team that won a championship was the Bulls... and everyone knows what happened to them. I don't want to talk about it. I might cry.

So don't even get me started on the whole "fair-weather fan" thing. Because that's complete bullshit. At least for me it is. When I like a team, it's because I like the players and their attitudes and the way they play. However, usually when this happens they are a WINNING team-- and usually I start watching the games when the media broadcasts them. (Yeah, I'm an unfortunate soul with network television.) So I don't care if you call me a fair-weather fan because I'm not. If you're one of those "die-hard" fans that continues loving a team even when it completely disperses, changes managers coaches and players and is NOTHING like it used to be.... well then, you're not loving the same team anymore. That's great and all, and I'm not saying that you can't love two teams under the same name-- but you also can't diss on people who stop loving the team when everyone ON the original team is gone.

Oh yeah, I loved the Bulls. I loved them even in those two years that Jordan left us. What I didn't love was the "leftover" Bulls when it all came to an end-- poor Kukoc all alone with a totally different team. I watched for a while. Then I watched Pippen and Kerr play on their new teams. Then I figured it was over. Ah well.

Anyway, the point is, my new obsession is baseball. No, not regular season baseball. Postseason baseball. Um, no offense to the game and all, but baseball games that have nothing riding on them aren't that great. That's why I love the playoffs-- everything counts, so all that waiting and all that blank time is still interesting. Every play, every pitch, every SECOND matters. It's great fun. Oh, and Kyle Farnsworth.

I mean Javy Lopez.

I mean Mark Prior.

Damn.

wow.

Yesterday was a GRRRRRREAT day. =) Ahhhh not that I'm a stalker or anything.... it was a stroke of fate that a certain someone was working at the movie theater at the certain time that we wanted to go. And that's not sarcasm! Really!! I didn't even know he worked there! Heh... but it's a good thing he does, huh? I MEAN...

Okay, no really. The reason yesterday was a great day was because CUBS WON CUBS WON CUBS WON!!!!!! Um, yeah. And we're gonna win this thing. Even if Zambrano doesn't pull it off (which he SHOULD be able to because he IS a good pitcher-- more on this later), it'll just guarantee that we'll win this thing in the Friendly Confines =D, cuz Prior's up next and Wood follows him. Howeeevveerrrr wouldn't it be great if Zambrano won it, the Cub fans throw another surprise party in someone-else's-park-turned-Wrigleyville-South, and our star pitchers will be starting on MORE than full rest for the World Series? This is why Zambrano can and SHOULD do it.

Sure he wasn't especially sharp in Game 1, but it WAS a very close game. Also, he might have jitters in the postseason, and today will be his THIRD start and his second one against the Marlins. That could make him feel much more comfortable. Plus the victory that Clement gave us yesterday-- Zambrano will have some wiggle-room. Heh. I just said wiggle.

Oh, and anyone wanna know the funniest line in the Odyssey? Book VII, line 185, "You have an empty noddle." Heh... heh... heh... Okay, I'm done.

cubs fans are the best



Who cares if I just got back my voice today then lost it again for Glanville's RBI triple in the 11th inning... who cares that I will lose my voice AGAIN tomorrow and Sunday... these are MAH CUBBIES. And we are going all the way.

GONZO IS MY HERO!!!!!!!

AHH I LOVE ALEX GONZALEZ (the cub) and I'm ridiculously jealous of that guy who got his outta-the-ballpark home-run ball... =(

wow. what an awful day.

I don't think I've had such a bad overall day since before the summer. Then again, I try not to remember all my bad days.

First of all, SWIMMING today... it wouldnt have been that bad if I didn't smell like chlorine for the rest of the day. My hair was a bitch but I'm used to it... whatever, I don't care. The smell got to me though =(. Wasn't acting exactly the nicest to one of my friends that I know I should have been nicer to, today... sometimes I just get frustrated though, and the world needs to know it. I'm so tired of just absorbing the blows and letting things get by.

Then, practice, I think I pulled my left hamstring... I did a russian and kind of limped away from it =( plus a girl on my squad was being so bitchy I wanted to kick her in the face. Sigh. I don't like it when I feel like that because I don't really ENJOY being mean to people, especially people that I have to get along with for years to come. Yuck. But here's the whole absorbing the blows thing again... I try to be nice but all I get is bitchiness and it really eats away at my patience. Anyway, home and I don't feel like doing anything. Homework sucked, for some reason I could not get one of my math problems for the life of me, and we have a homework quiz tomorrow. I figure I'd rather sacrifice homework grades than precious precious sleep... And THEN.. the cubs -- ... --... L-l.... l-l-l.... uh, didn't win. Sniffy. But it was an awesome game. But we didn't win. Still... really close... agh. Anyway, it's 11:30 and I'm getting around 7 hours tonight, so leave a comment or somethin... n please don't say anything mean today 'cause I'm really not up for it. =(

Gone fishin'.

quote of the day: "where are the squirrels when you need them?!"

Can't really organize my thoughts right now. Here are some excerpts of what's going on in my head:

FICK IS A BASTARD AND HE NEEDS TO DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE...die...
ooh my baby farnsworth!!! he better not be hurt that badly or i will PERSONALLY hire someone to kill fick, especially if karros cant play well tomorrow it's ALL HIS FAULT.

Karros rocked today! And so did that guy in that stands right by the guy who caught his second homer!!! (heh right elyse??)

NOBODY LIKES CHIPPER JONES. OR THE BRAVES.

THE BRAVES ARE AFRAID OF THE WRIGLEY FIELD IVVYYY!! PUAHhAhhA What was up with that? Did they think squirrels would fly out of it and attack them? And if so, why didnt that freaking center fielder MISS SAMMY'S BALL?!?! [refer to beginning of this post]

Oh man it woulda been so sweet.. tying run at the plate... sammy sosa... bottom of the 9th, 2 out... agh that woulda been awesome... 2 more yards and it woulda made it =*(


.... the Braves need to go down. [Especially Fick.] Hopefully Wood's pitching tomorrow... have faith, guys.

Holy cow. This one's for you, Harry.

I LOVE YOU PRIOR

Ahhh the taste of victory. One more. Tomorrow. BE THERE

edit

Tomorrow I have a "master class" for dance, basically a workshop where we learn from some famous choreographer dude. It should be nifty but I have to be at school at 7:20 to take a bus somewhere far.. rawrr. It's one of those things that I really want to back out of but somehow in the back of my head I know I should go. I'll be back by the afternoon to watch the CUBS GAME which we NEED TO WIN... does anyone know who's pitching tomorrow? Alrite well leave me a comment or IM or somethin', pAyce ~_^

it annoys me. so much.

This is your one and only warning: if you are a girl who constantly types in rAndOmiZeD cAPitALs and often include the words "meeh, mai, gawd, baybee, likkle" .. or "kyoote" in any of your online conversations/websites/profile, DO NOT READ THIS ENTRY. Or, if you do, don't flame me about it. Actually, go ahead, flame me. Just try to cool it on the cApS.

DOES ANYONE AGREE WITH ME??? I swear, I cannot STAND IT. I guess it's alright if you randomize a little bit for emphasis or artistic reasons (yes, I do think that certain letters look better next to eachother so leave me alone), but if people constantly type like that I will probably end up ripping their head off. Especially if it's on a website-- do you really NOT want people to read it? Or is there another reason you type in such a fucking screwed up way?

Now, the strangely spelled words-- I guess I am a BIT of a hypocrite in that sense. I spell things differently sometimes... but usually only to emphasize or to show how I literally pronounce things. I guess that's my own excuse-- other people may have theirs, but once again, the CONSTANT use of them really throws me off. It's like a non-stop flirt sequence trying to act cute and girly and bubblegum pink when you're NOT, or you SHOULDN'T BE. Really, what does it accomplish besides having other people label you as a ditz?

OR-- now this is the best part-- if you do all of the above, AND pretend you're ghetto. Mmmhmm because you're a ghetto prep, right? From THE RICHEST SUBURB IN THE STATE? Please. Laughing so hard can be painful. At the rate you're going, I'll probably have a seizure. Fine, I understand if you're just doing the ghetto act as a joke-- but some people seriously view themselves as a "gangsta" or a "playa". Right. You do that. I'll talk to you when you wake up and realize your school receives the most public funding in the entire nation.

~ ¤ ~ ¤ ~ ¤ ~
Everyone wants to have their own style. I'm a total victim of that "trend". Strange how a trend is actually an attempt to deviate from older trends. Strange how we're all tricked into thinking we're rebels when really we're just following the newest "rebel" movement. Strange how we hate when other people diss on our "originality" when we are totally cynical about the way THEY look, act, or dress.

Be yourself.

Such an easy phrase to say. Such a difficult phrase to follow. And why is it so difficult for us to BE OURSELVES? Shouldn't it be the easiest, most natural thing in the WORLD? It isn't. And I know it isn't. But the total FAKENESS of our world today... doesn't it depress you?

sum it up

Auto response from mmmlI ME jello: advice: don't watch the bears/packers game. too depressing.
WLKNGCNTRDCTION3: lol yet so entertaining

Cubs win. That's all there is to say.

Oh, and the Bears-Packers game tomorrow. >_<

-edit-

I feel sad. I've lost touch with some people that I thought I would keep in touch with. It's sad because I can totally fix that just by talking to them, but I have a feeling there's nothing for me to say. For some reason, recently I've been pretty speechless. And boring. I think life is taking the... life out of me.

i love this...

Just an update: the performance on Thursday night rocked the house... I'm barely exaggerating when I say the ENTIRE school was there. The bleachers were sinking under the weight-- there were more people than at our homecoming. Actually, some of the bleachers literally cracked. And they stopped letting people up there =P. Oh man it was crazy, a total dream. The lights were perfect... I miss performing under stagelights!! I'm addicted to them... I love the way it feels, with a huge crowd and big spotlights. Wheee =)

Not only that, but my coach actually APPROVED of it. She said that a bunch of people couldn't tell which squad was JV and which was Varsity-- we all said "OHHHHHHHH" and then all the Varsity standing near us turned around and asked what happened. "Nothing" O=). So she actually gave us a day off of practice. Oh lord it was blissful. It made my day, and then the next day too... haha. Plus, she bumped up our practices next week too so we could next Friday off. AHH =) then after that we have two three day weekends... gosh darndit, this is wonderful =).

weeeekkkeeennnnddd

Now that I have no free time during the week, my weekends are five times more valuable to me =P I TOTALLY miss hanging out with all my friends =( we barely see eachother at school and I don't know a bunch of people that they've met. Yesterday Em Mary Anne Maura and Elyse came over and we basically talked for 4 hours straight. Good times... and reminiscing of good times. Oh how I miss the days of Jan's class. hahahaha. Yeah so basically I'm in a really good mood right now, and I'm *hoping* that it'll last for a lil longer. It's freezing outside already but I'm really excited for the weekend so wheeeeeeeeee hit me up sometime or IM me because for the first time in about 3 weeks I'll probably say more than a total of 5 words ~_^

AWESOME DAY. And....

Titan356: DANG have you seen his body!!
Titan356: I WANT HIS BODY!!!
Titan356: OMG!!!
Titan356: err wait that came out wrong
mmmlI ME jello: I WANT HIS BODY TOO
Titan356: you know what i mean thoug
mmmlI ME jello: hahahahahhahhahahahahahahhahahhahahahahaha
Titan356: i wish i had his body
Titan356: no shoot that still isnt right
mmmlI ME jello: i wish i had his body too
Titan356: i wish i had a body like his
mmmlI ME jello: LMAO
Titan356: there
Titan356: got it!!!
mmmlI ME jello: hahaha third times a charm

[just a quick blurb] if you've noticed ...

that any of your previous comments on this site have been edited, this is why: any comments that contain cynicism (whether obvious or implied) must be directed towards ME, and ME ONLY. Those who are affected by this know who they are, and I'm sure you knew better than to bring some stupid argument onto my site. You're all more mature than that so figure it out amongst yourselves and leave the negativity out of the comment box.

hm... yay for capriciousness?

I'm done! Yepp. My buddy list holds one less person now... hopefully this isn't an on-off thing. But I learned something really important this past week... no matter what happens in anything else, it's always your friends that matter the most. Oh, and boys suck. Hehe oh wait that line is reserved for later. Whenever "later" shall be =P Also, I apologize to anyone that I've talked to recently and I've just totally been out of it... Sorry =( but the exhaustion really got to me and it was hard for me to be upbeat and all that... I think I'm feeling better though =) I feel hyper right now, but who knows how tomorrow will be? =P

BUY A WREATH FROM MEEEEEEEEEE

PLEAAAASE haha ask me at school or something but we've gots ta sell "holiday greenery" for Hawkettes and I still have 13 items left to sell... so ... if you guys ever hang up fresh wreaths around Christmas... buy from meeeeeeeeeee =) Just ask at school, I'll probably have a couple forms on me. Please. Please.

i'm so excited!!!!

Check this out: Co.Dance, this company that used to be owned by Paula Abdul, has conventions every year... My Hawkette coach used to assistant teach for it, and she's trying to get us an opportunity to go!!! AHHH IM SO EXCITED!!! It's in February so hopefully it's not on the weekend of a competition or Girls' Choice... actually, if it were Girls' Choice, I'd probably still go. Maybe I'd be able to go to both... we'll see. Anyway, I'm just too excited to think of all this right now... they have all these HUGE names in dance and great choreographers, etc etc and I'm totally psyched!! ahhh okay.. haha... I'm done.

otherwise...

Life is okay, I guess. There's a night game at MS tomorrow night so EVERYONE GO! Especially if you didn't see the homecoming halftime routine because we're performing it again (which is bogus because now it's not "special" anymore, but oh well). I'm gonna be able to leave school at the normal time but I have to go back at 4:45 =( And I'll probably be there till 9... agh... I better not have homework. But yeah, it should be okay. Alright, I'm done for-jienay, I promise. =D Blog later!!

really, it's just getting a little ridiculous now.

So you know the whole deal for Saturday, right? Up at 8, school at 10, parade (walked from school to uptown), then some food, band practice, then homecoming pregame, change, homecoming halftime, home, shower + change etc, homecoming dance, dinner at Bennigan's (puahaha), home, Em and Livy slept over... yeah... psycho day. 8 hours of sleep, but SO EXHAUSTED!!! So it's like 11:30 ish and then I've got CHINESE SCHOOL =( man it sucked... so tired.... got home, studied for world cultures test.... not a freaking spare moment. yuck. School today = okay... then selling wreaths after school for Hawkettes, but WAIT-- Mondays are our days off, right? WRONG. They're like "we're giving you a day off practice to sell wreaths", but that's a load of bullshit since we don't even have practice on Mondays normally anyway... so yeah... one extra day taken up by Hawkettes. I'm out to fuckin burst... they're killin me. I need a four day weekend with nothing to do. Yeah, that'd be cool.

Sorry, no paragraph divisions today... too DEAD.

AHHHHHH =)

So fun! So exhausted! siiiiigh... fun, but unfulfilling. ::waits for fifth period tomorrow:: More details later, I promise...

wow. i'm so excited.

And I just can't hide it. And I don't know the rest of that song. But homecoming is gonna be awwesssooooommmme!!! Okay, I am not being a stupid froshie (ERIC!!), I mean the homecoming GAME!! The halftime routine is soooooooooooooooo fuuunn!!! Not necessarily the actual dance routine part.. oh well, YOU'LL SEEEEEEE =D You better come! And if you can't... then it's just too bad! haha okay MAYBE I'll fill you all in... if I'm feeling nice...

Anywaaaay I hope the dance ITSELF will be cool too... maybe even dewightful. or shmiley. heh heh =) Yeah, I'm a loser, so what? Things are okay, I guess... I had a yucky cold yesterday but it was a lil better today. I don't think it'll be that bad tomorrow, at least I hope not. I guess I'll try to go to sleep early. Today was definitely a good day... homecoming assembly, which was crazy but we pulled it off and somehow it energized all of us. Practice was good, practice with the band ROCKED heh so much fun! WHOPS can't tell you why PUAHAHAHAHAHA

Yeah so I guess I'm done... but just to let you know... I had a good day today =D yay!

::smiles::

I've gone through a lot of emotions in the past couple days but one thing has stood through: You've got to smile. It's like being on stage-- no matter what's going on, or what condition you're in, when the lights go on, you've got to smile.

And in my case, you've got to be smiled AT. =D . What a glorious day.

BTW: thanks to those who have taken thought to my condition the past week or so. You guys are so great, honestly. I'm not even kidding when I say I would have nothing without my friends.

you gots ta wonder...

When you have stability in your life, do you wish for somethin' to rock the boat? If so, what?

when all else fails...

Turn to your one true passion. You might not think you have one, but you do. Everyone does. Whether you are born with it engraved in your soul or if you engrave it there yourself, you have one. It could be a sport, or just talking on the phone... it could be sleeping. Because all that matters is that you can enjoy it. You don't need to be good at it. It doesn't need to be something really difficult. It's something you can do no matter what, and when left to your own accord, you can completely unwind. It's something you can do no matter what mood you're in, or what physical state you are in. As long as you are conscious, there is some way you can enjoy what you enjoy.

My one true passion is dancing. I know that a lot of girls that say this, and some don't really mean it. But I know that I mean it. Dance class may be strenuous, practice may be boring, but when I dance for myself, I always feel better. And if I'm unable or just too tired to dance, I listen to the music. I listen to the music and put my mind through what I would feel if I were dancing... and I feel better.

I'm not claiming that my word is the almighty truth. But I do believe that everyone has a passion. And if I'm wrong... then I feel very bad for whoever doesn't. Because nothing has saved me more this week than dance, and my music. Now I fully understand what everyone means when they say freshman year is a big transition. I guess I didn't quite understand how different life would be without seeing my friends at school every day. I didn't understand how many new things you go through. But now I get it. I miss my friends. I miss my middle school life. I miss knowing everyone in my grade. I love meeting new people, but I miss the familiarity. And I definitely miss having free time. If I lose touch with any of you throughout the course of my first semester in high school, just know that I'm sorry, and I still love you. I never imagined I'd be so busy-- I never knew how fast time could pass when there is so little of it to waste. So now I impose my blog theme into my life... I will seize the moment. I will live life to it's fullest.

A reflective day for me~ 9.11 ~Always remember the innocents who lost their lives.

i'm not the only stalker

My friend was telling a story about last year's homecoming... when she introduced her friend to her date, her friend said, "Wow, so YOU'RE the infamous one!! I know all about you! First period, study, second period..." heh that's HILARIOUS especially because um I know almost the entire schedule of some people... d-wightful people.. HAHAHAHAHA That was Elyse's idea, not mine!!! I don't come up with stupid puns with their names!! Anyway.. I'm not the stalker, Emily is. And you all know it's true! rofl. Yeah, whatever... I'm nada freshie stalker... hehe =)

Things are kind of turning up... or maybe it's just my current mood. For some reason my current mood has such a direct effect on my perception. It's kind of disturbing, because then I never know what's true. Reality is skewed, I say, SKEWED!!! Anyway... I'm finding where my friends go during passing periods so sometimes we can walk to classes together... which is really only 5 minutes, but it's better than nothing!! I've developed great skill with opening lockers, and lunch actually counts for the rest of the day. Except before Hawkettes, because I always have to eat before practice. Ummm Hawkettes is getting better too, I guess... I think I'm going kind of unnoticed though. To be honest, I think I'm doing pretty well. Oh well.

Still got the homecoming problem.. heh, yeah, 'cause I totally could have suddenly gotten rid of it in a day. Sigh. But life is alright. For now.

i need a break, period.

sOh tired =( One game down, but homecoming prep now. Tomorrow, the rest of the halftime dance we have to do with Varsity. Thursday, marching choreography for the parade. Friday, marching with Varsity. Next week, possibly practice every day. Still need to learn our halftime. etc etc. So tiring... no break... no end in sight. Sept 20, homecoming... to date, or not to date? haha.. as if I have a choice. Depends who, if anyone, asks me. Getting nervous about all the girls on the team n what the heck they do for the practice before homecoming, cuz I'm pretty sure they're doing something... hmm... do I need a date? What a question. It totally conflicts with my whole "Why depend on a guy?" dealy, though it totally exposes my inability to bear embarassment... rawrr. Did anyone understand what I just said? haha... IM me if you really wanna hear about it. Stupid dilemma. =(

Can't speak in complete sentences.. totally braindead.. still gotta read stupid mythology book for English, even though I read it already in 4th grade even though I have the book but I had to buy it again because the page numbers are different... =( And today... I heard some bad news that I knew I'd hear since 2 months ago... strangely enough, it hasn't upsetted me much. Is it because it doesn't matter to me, or am I just too dead to care anymore? Life is .. gray.

i need a break from negativity...

remember the happy list? hehe

:: music :: dance :: waves :: green :: vanilla :: fluffy clouds :: fluffy towels :: sunrises :: italy :: hot chocolate :: almond :: pretty eyes :: citrus :: dolphins :: roses :: wind :: windows :: homestar! :: friends :: popsicles :: phone calls :: cookies :: cooking :: sunshine :: mint :: fountains: sleep :: sleep :: sleep ::... -_-

:: pure sincerity :: unnecessary compliments :: thoughtful criticism :: provocative conversations :: pointless conversations :: phone conversations at 4 am :: time with your best friends :: "jus chillin" :: watching the stars :: slight breezes :: first snow :: letting loose :: going crazy :: dancing while everyone looks at you funny :: flopping onto your bed :: laughing at an inside joke :: laughing for no apparent reason :: making up a stupid joke and pretending it's funny :: accomplishing a goal :: meeting someone with the same interests as you :: songs that seem like they were written for you :: songs that you can put on repeat forever :: the glow of stagelights :: blasting music in an empty house :: cartwheels :: cartwheels down the aisles of grocery stores :: grocery shopping at 12 am or later :: dew on grass :: lying on the ground :: sitting in the middle of a street :: being told i made someone's day :: telling someone they made my day :: smiles from strangers :: conversations with strangers :: becoming great friends with a former stranger :: stretching :: feeling exhausted after accomplishing something :: accomplishing something no one thought you could ::

Oh, and one concluding happy thought: I'm getting my braces off sometime this school year. =D

NOTICE: NEW CHILDREN'S BOOK OUT TITLED "Bettina's Day At School"

This is an excerpt:

High school + Hawkettes is taking an unhappy toll on our once-fearless hero. Remember the days when she would bounce off the walls for hours on end until you wished you had never met her? Those days are over! In her place, there is a much more subdued, tired, and unconcerned girl. How could this be? This has not yet been proven, but theory is that she is exhausted as [censor]. This could be because of the fact that she spends almost half her day at school. Also, it might be the enormous pressure her coach has put on her and her teammates to perfect every little bit of every routine. It might even be the fact that her teammates don't want to cooperate, which puts her in a very bad spot where she believes that the routine should be improved, but not through rigorous and unhelpful repetition. When she finally gets home, she immediately showers (she fears she will dissolve in her own sweat if she does not) and stuff her face full of food (she'd probably pass out if she didn't). Then she proceeds to attempt to unwind and drink gallons of water to keep herself hydrated. Around 8 pm she begins to work on the [censor]-load of homework her teachers enjoy assigning each day. Around 9 pm she wishes she could pass out in her chair. However, we all know that Bettina must do all her work or she will get 1) yelled at by her teachers, specifically just because she is who she is, and/or 2) yelled at by her parents, who will then use this one instance as an example to yell at her even more even though she does her homework every day. Oh, right, and she does not see any of her best friends in the hallways or in any of her classes. At all. Ever. She goes whole days without seeing or even talking to her best friends.

Pretty sucky kids' book, huh? That's why they wouldn't publish it =( AGGGGGGGH IM SO DEAD. Yeah!! With an underline!! I'm not kidding, I have almost no spare time at all now and I'm always really tired.. or hungry... or thirsty... or all three. Like right now. Boo! AND... I miss TAF. And I miss the good ol' days before I went to Taiwan this summer. Man... I LOVED 8th grade. I'm just beginning to realize how much I loved 8th grade. I want to go visit my old school but WAIT-- I have practice till 6 pm every day cept Mondays... and an ortho this Monday after school. Isn't that loverly. And my first half-time show is homecoming. And everyone is bitchin on and on about dates... agggh STOP ITTTT I don't CARE if you are freaking out about having a date, and I don't CARE who asked you and who you rejected or how hot he is even though you said no because he's not popular or WHATEVER just PLEASE don't tell me because I DON'T CARE. Agh. Stupid freshman. LOL jpjp =P You know what I'm talking about-- there's always people that obsess about homecoming dates. Agh. Enough about that.

Oh right, and for those who want to know-- drill team = dance team. I'm not a cheerleader. We don't cheer. We don't stand on the sidelines during games and shake our asses in the football team's face. Er, we do... but only during practice. HAHAHA Okay I'll stop. Anyway, we dance for the pregame show and during halftime... has anyone seen Drumline? Yeah, well that girl that he likes? She's the captain of the dance team. That's us. Anywaaaayy it's not my fault our uniforms look like cheerleading uniforms =( but hey we have cool costumes for halftime n crap so isall good.

Okay, I've had it, my parents are pissing me off. My attention span to write or to blog in any way comprehensibly (or at least as comprehensible as I normally am) has totally failed. It's almost 12 and I have to be up around 8 tomorrow... I shall get no sleep... I shall be tired as shit AGAIN tomorrow and I feel like crap. So yeah, life sucks. The end.

agh i had sucha crappy day!!

Everyone mourn for me! =( Sigh.. okay... school went off normally, cept for the fact that it was SCHOOL and school just sucks on it's own. I talked to some people (er or person) and yeah... some of you know how that went, lol. Just a boring day in general, and I was so dead all day because I've been totally sleep deprived for an entire week. I'm so bitchy and impatient when I'm tired, it sucks!!!

Practice was alright, we got captains today... One of them is really nice, and I knew she'd be captain since last week =P You could tell. The other one... well, she's a freshman and a bunch of the upperclassmen were pissed they didn't get chosen. She's not that great either.. in my opinion. But she knows everything since she went to summer camp (sigh.. bullshit) and she sucks up to the coach. I don't know what irks me so much about her... I think it's her facial expressions. They make her look like she's going through excruciating pain or something. Though appearance shouldn't really count that much, it does when you're on stage and you're supposed to look like you're having fun. And she looks like a chicken with a shrunken head... hehe. I dunno... if you've seen a picture of her you'd know what I mean. Not that I'm trying to rag on her or anything... for some reason she just gives me a bad impression.

I guess the major reason is that I'm so tired... I should get some sleep, or something. =(

WEEKEND... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I bet Labor Day is the single most cherished day off from school. You might think it'd be winter vacation or spring break... but Labor Day is right after school starts. By the time you get any other break, you're used to school. So a break from that is an added bonus. Labor Day gives you a kind of trial period... school takes away your summer for a while, but Labor Day gives you some back so you don't have to go through total summer withdrawal. Ahhh... the yummy goodness of Labor Day weekend. Finally.

So I survived my first week of high school.. this is good. I actually was able to open my locker every time I tried today. Yesterday though, I had to go to the student personnel office... the lady told me to push the bottom left corner of the locker while I pulled on it. Interesting discovery. Also yesterday, tryouts went well obviously since I'm on the squad now =D But then we had practice today.. haha boo. I was at school for 10 hours straight. Ew. Oh and yesterday was the Freshman "Mixer" which was basically an informal dance type thing. It was really cool because people just let loose and had fun... something they don't normally do because they're too self conscious.

is it an azn thing to walk around grocery stores at 2 am?

We do it all the time... me and my sister and people. And then today we went and there was another group of azns wandering the aisles. Hm. Fun. You'd think that by hanging out with college people, I would engage in more mature activities... instead we sat in Jenny's car parked on the side of the street and staring at random people. Then catcalling couples. Then pretending to eat popcorn as we watched two guys get in a car. Then deliberating whether to should go TP people or not. Sometimes I wonder how maturity can really be measured... oh well!! It was amusing, and that's what counts, eh?

I MADE IT!!!

more school crap

Had to change twice during school today... once on the way to first period. It really bothers me how there are desks situated randomly in the hallways with teachers or "paraprofessionals" sitting there with walkie talkies. It's like we're at jail or something. Oh wait, we are.

So, the lady says: "Excuse me... you're going to have to change that top. What year are you?"
Me: "I'm a freshman, sorry I didn't know!!"
Her: "Didn't you get the dress code rules?"
Me: "Was that in the mail? I didn't see it, sorry!!"
Her: "Well, your top is very pretty, but completely inappropriate for school. You're going to have to change. Do you have another shirt?"
Me: "Ummm yes I do, actually!!"
Her: "Go change, and I better not see you with it on later!"

Okay.. forel... does anyone remember the shirt Shen wore to TAF the first day? It was pink with white stripes and had a steel ring on the halter part? Okay... well that's the one I was wearing today, cept blue with no stripes. And yeah... what the heck?? The straps are like 3 inches wide!! The only thing is that it is kind of halterish... but there's an X in the back! So yeah.. that was bullshit. Rawrr. And so I change into the top I brought for drill team clinics/tryouts today... which I KNEW wasn't exactly more appropriate, but it was a different shirt at least. Er you guys don't know this one... the orange Express tank I got from my sister. It looks like a tank from the front but the back is kinda weird. Anyway, I was late to first period AGAIN because I had to run across the school to go to my locker and change. I survived till right before 4th period... at lunch the guy told me to change again. DAMMIT. No more shirts left!! I asked everyone at the table if they had an extra.. one girl did. I owe her BIG time... or else I'd be walkin around in my gym shirt for the rest of the day. Still. Pissed me off. It's not like I went in there thinking they'd stop me for inappropriateness. Sigh.

Let's see... I actually was able to open my locker today. Had a decent lunch-- Courtney was awesome and let me eat some of hers since I didn't want to wait another 10 minutes in the lunch line. Wasn't late to anything cept first period (which hopefully won't happen tomorrow >_<). My teachers are turning out pretty nice too, and I'm thinkin of visiting my old school on Friday. Yay. Tomorrow's gonna be better... I think.

Errrm clinics are over (for drill team)... the actual tryouts are tomorrow. Ahhh...

lost my ID on the first day... nice

So I freak out and spend 40 minutes last night looking for it... then wake up early and call Anne and ask if I left it on her car... then go to school early to get a new one from the ID office. My sis: "Just pretend you never got one." Me: "What if they hold up my lost one and say.. -Then what's THIS??-" Sis: "JUST DO IT!!!!!!!" ... sniffy. Anyway, there were like 20 people crowded in front of the lil door to the office... I gave them my ID number and they told me to wait for it to print. So I waited. Almost half an hour. Till 10 minutes into first period, I went up to the door to ask how they were comin on my ID... and I looked at the box and there it is!! I ask them if I can take it, and the lady goes "Oh yeah... someone turned that into the office yesterday. You must have dropped it." I'm like.. what the hell... so I ended up getting to first period 15 minutes late. Which was okay... my teacher's cool bout it.

no more school stuff!! aggh!!

Yeah... I'm seriously gonna ki-xiao (taiwanese). So... I'm gonna go sleep. Oh yeah, clinics for drill team today and tomorrow... tryouts Thursday. The coach seems really good but the JV coaching captains aren't exactly the best teachers. I hope I'll make it... we'll see. Need some sleep since I've gotten none the past two nights. I'm out. Peaches. <~ that was a typo originally... too bad.

agh. school.

I actually planned on writing a pretty long entry, but I just wrote a 2-page letter to my English teacher about "myself" in 10-pt, 1.5 spaced Trebuchet MS, so I'm kind of talked out. Let's just say my first day of high school was... boring, uneventful, and unsurprising. I wasn't really nervous or excited or scared about it at all so I guess I got what I expected. Lemme give you some highlights...

My locker is probably 5 miles away from the Academic wing (where all my classes are, cept PE), and I have to walk back and forth from one side of the school to the other at least 5 times a day. My locker is also squished up in a corner and takes 4 yanks to get it to open, and the top portion won't open at all (the janitor came and started prying at it with a screwdriver. My lunch is 3rd period (so like, 10 am? Nice.) I only had 2 minutes to eat today because my locker sucks and it was a shortened schedule.. but my math teacher let me eat in class, which was nice. Um, also during math class we reviewed Alg 2.. ewww!! Scary to know that I still retain most of that. Not that I'll need it till next year. Erm yepp.. that's basically all that happened... it's kind of sad, now that I think of it. But I'll make it. I'm approaching school with a TAF attitude and I'm trying to be friendly to everyone (uh even those that aren't friendly to me =T) and I actually think it's helping. At least I'm not all negative about it. High school doesn't look that menacing.

On a side note: drill team auditions tomorrow. Heh... time to see if I can still do the splits. Er, or anything, for that matter.

This may be the last thing that I write for long...
Can you hear me smiling while I sing this song?
For you... and only you...

As I leave will you be someone to say good-bye?
As I leave will you be someone to wipe your eye?
My foot is out the door... and you can't stop me now.

You wanted the best-- it wasn't me.
Will you give it back? Now I'll take the lead...
when there's no more room to make it grow.
I'll see you again-- you'll pretend you're naive.
Is this what you want-- is this what you need?
How you end up-- let me know...

As I go...
remember all the simple things you know--
my mind is just a crutch and
I still hope
that you will miss me when I'm gone...
This is the last song.

The heart's start breaking as the year is gone.
The dream's beginning and the time rolls on.
It seems so surreal-- now I sing it.
Somehow I knew that it would be this way.
Somehow I knew that it would slowly fade.
And now that I am gone, just try and stop me now...

You wanted the best-- it wasn't me.
Will you give it back? Now I'll take the lead...
when there's no more room to make it grow.
I'll see you again-- you'll pretend you're naive.
Is this what you want-- is this what you need?
How you end up-- let me know...

As I go...
remember all the simple things you know--
my mind is just a crutch,
and I still hope
that you will miss me when I'm gone...
This is the last song.

Will you need me now?
You'll find a way somehow...
You want it too-- I want it too.

As I go...
remember all the simple things you know--
my mind is just a crutch,
and I still hope
that you will miss me when I'm gone...
the last song                  // All-American Rejects

wow.. sOh early...

I woke up at 8 am today!! Should I be proud of myself? Or hitting my head on the wall? lol. I actually woke up to go running... at 8:15 I stick my head in my sister's room to wake her up... and of course she chickens out. Pahahaha... I only ran for like 25 minutes, but it was something! So I guess I should go stretch and do situps or something and take a shower... I was just bumming around trying to get rid of that "don't have your head lower than your heart after you exercise" thing. So, I'm out.

edit

Dun dun DUH-dun, dun duh-DUH... I mean.. check out this picture ::shift eyes:: haha this is the one of EVERYONE at the TAF dinner... almost 40 people. In this picture, at least. It would have died if I shrunk it so... you can save it to your own computer for cropping/shrinking purposes.


Tada!! Things to notice:
Grant <~ what's going on there??
Steve <~ I must have missed something...
Peggy <~ what's that on her head??
Dave <~ could he be any happier to be there??

Oh, and sorry if that banner on top has gone haywire... I had it centered, but then it died when I put in this jimunjous picture. I tried to fix the spacing but it'll probably only look right on my resolution. Whatever it is. So, deal with it until this post disappears.

more edit

So sad! =( TAF depression strikes again... I read HoChie's page. He blogged all during taf and he has a ton of pix... even though there's a crappy pic of me in there... I forgive him. Heehee =) Does anyone have the full lyrics to "TAF Of Your Life" (the JH choir song)? Ahhh... I wanna go back... more than 11 months left =(. Where is TAF New Year's gonna be this year?? And.. and.. the dvd doesn't come till October!! Aggggh. Here's a thought: TAF depression only gets worse because school starts very soon after TAF ends... wouldn't it be nicer to have TAF at the beginning of summer? That way, you'll get home and be sad... but not TOO sad, 'cuz you've got the whole summer in front of you!! Riiiight??

um... if the pictures aren't working...

First of all, you suck. LOL jp =D Try refreshing... and then, try right clicking the pic and hitting "Show Picture" on the right click menu. And if that doesn't work.. then you REALLY suck. Or, you could email me asking for them. Or some. I'm trying to find a good host, so help me out... pleaaase. Then you won't suck.

So... I actually had a pretty good day =) It was kinda confusing. The plans all got screwed up... but somehow it worked out. I was at Anne's for a lil... and then we walked to Elyse's ... and then she got a haircut.. and then we went uptown... and then we met Alex on the street... begging for money... =D And we saw Freaky Friday, which was a good movie =) My dad is normally cool about me going out without a real plan... but today, when I got home, he asked me, "Do your friends' parents ever think you're together too much?" And I'm like.. what the heck... is that possible? hahaha... He was just worried that they thought he didn't care about me enough, or something. I don't get why parents have these kinds of worries... especially my parents. They're always so caught up in how OTHER people will view them. I'm like.. what kind of example are you setting for me?? O=)

Hmm... so right now I'm stuck in one of those periods of undecisiveness. It pisses me off!! I'm so impatient sometimes. It's probably the lack of sleep recently... I was feeling awfully bitchy earlier. Was I acting bitchy, or just feeling bitchy? Hopefully just feeling... I don't really enjoy the bitchy me. Unless they deserve it. Like that pedophile 40-yr-old Mexican that honked at us at Village Crossing today... I think the turning point in my bitchiness was after I flicked him off. It just gets so much stress out of me. Ahhh.. so fresh n so clean clean. And then I went home... and my sister talked to all of my friends online. Instead of her own. Both of our AIMs were up, but she was IMing more in my box than her own. What the heck?? >_< It wasn't my fault, guys... I tried to get her off, I really did!! So STOP WHINING JEREMY!! hahaha... So, if you were on tonight around 10ish and my sn IMed you about cabbage.. that was my sis. Sorry =D.

I guess I'm out for tonight... Sometime during the weekend I should try to regain to normal sleeping schedule. "SUNDAY... SUNDAY... SOME DAYYY".